The Wandering Cartographer

Difficult difficult day...

2011-06-30T19:17:00.000-07:00

Today, about two hours before my beloved Shetland Sheepdog mix, N, passed away, I heard my grandmother's voice distinctly tell me, "I will take care of her."

Thank you Grandma for bringing me peace. Thank you N, for being my precious friend. I love you both forever.

Grandma

2011-06-02T13:59:00.001-07:00

My Grandmother passed away two weeks ago. I love her. I miss her so much.

My Son's Favorite Crystals

2011-05-17T16:46:00.000-07:00

I put a bunch of crystals from our collection on the bed the other day. I spread them out in front of my son, who was on our mattress, playing. He chose three crystals, Amethyst, Garnet, and Mookaite. My little cutie. ♥

Blue Lace Agate and Rose Quartz

2011-04-05T04:57:00.000-07:00

Are the crystals I've been putting under my pillow this week.

Oh yeah, and I've lost 9.5 kilo. I started my weight loss journey @ the end of December. I feel good. Lighter. More energetic. Yay! My current favorite breakfast food was inspired by my cousin. It's baked apples. I take Red Delicious apples, cut them in half, take out the seeds and place them in a glass baking dish. Then I sprinkle them with cinnamon, ginger and nutmeg. I put them face down and pour about a cup of water around them. I put them in the oven @ 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 50 minutes. They come out really yummy. They're also a very healthy snack.

I wish everyone good health.

Randomness

2011-02-07T06:08:00.000-08:00

I haven't had a cup of coffee in an entire week.

I saw a crack in the sidewalk that looked exactly like a whale.

My son's new favorite food is t'china (tahini, techina, I suppose the transliterations can be endless).

I can feel hints of spring in the air.

Winter Soup Recipe

2011-02-02T16:17:00.001-08:00

Dedication:
To anyone who is reading this, with love, The Wandering Cartographer

Please pardon any formatting issues or lack of respect for alphabetical order.
♥

Ingredients:

Pinto Beans (1/3rd of a bag)
Kidney Beans (1/3rd of a bag)
Lima Beans or Navy Beans or whatever was on sale :) (1/3rd of a bag)
Barley (1 to 1 and a ½ cups)
4 bay leaves
1 large onion
6 cloves of garlic
4-5 *organic carrots (give or take, depending on their size)
6-8 stalks of *organic celery (give or take again, I’ve noticed organic celery tends to be smaller than regular celery)
Sea salt (whatever you deem to be an appropriate amount)
Black Pepper (tablespoon)
Paprika (tablespoon)
Cayenne Pepper/Chili Pepper (whatever you feel you and your guests can handle :) )
Tomato Paste (5 tablespoons)
Olive Oil (3 table spoons)
*Cabbage (organic, ½ a head)
Zucchini (optional)

*I am not at the point where all my groceries are organic. I am NO expert on the Food Industry, however, I have read that it’s particularly recommended that the aforementioned vegetables be as chemical free as possible, as they are especially susceptible to soaking up funky stuff from soil.

Directions:

Boil a big pot of water.
When it’s reached a rolling boil, add in beans.
Add Salt.
I usually let the beans boil alone with the salt for about 15 minutes. It works out perfectly, cause that’s how long it generally takes me to dice up all the veggies.
Add all vegetables except for the cabbage.
Add in tomato paste.
Add olive oil, bay leaves and other spices.
Add barley.
Mix with a large spoon.
Cook uncovered. (I always cook my soups uncovered and continually revisit them adding boiling water every 20 minutes or so. I find that it intensifies the flavor.)
After about an hour of it boiling together, add in as much cabbage as the pot permits.
Boil for another two –three hours.
Enjoy your soup. :)

Raw

2010-12-26T09:38:00.000-08:00

I just got upset because I thought I had cracked another one of our glasses. Turns out it was soap that resembled a fracture as I scrubbed dishes in the sink. Smooth. I would like to re-watch the documentary I saw about The Buddha last week.

Notes To Self

2010-12-22T17:23:00.000-08:00

Babies are brilliant, do not interfere with their innate wisdom as it manifests in ways you might not be accustomed to.

Cold weather means you don't have to worry about your groceries spoiling as you walk home from the supermarket.

Evening Crunch

2010-12-21T15:13:00.000-08:00

My dog and I share an organic carrot together every evening. It's our special kitchen time. I hope to maintain this tradition.

In A Nutshell:

2010-12-20T07:48:00.000-08:00

I dream of world peace.

When I Was Little

2010-12-19T19:04:00.000-08:00

My favorite flower in the world was the Grape Hyacinth. It's so beautiful.

Reciprocal Wishes

2010-11-30T16:53:00.000-08:00

On the Pennsylvania Turnpike one a dark night it occurred to me that every time someone wishes upon a star, the star makes a wish upon a person. This is a good thing, because then your wish is extra potent. I wish you only wonderfulness.

Dedicated to Those Who Communicate With Angels

2010-11-16T08:01:00.000-08:00

There is definitely an angel who lives in our apartment. It's my son's friend. It lives on the ceiling fan in the dining room. Actually, I don't know if it lives there as in taken up a permanent residence but it for sure enjoys chilling out there. The angel makes my son laugh during meal time, which is frustrating for me, but I know they're having fun. There are those who would say I am making this up. My son's smiles do not lie. Someone is telling him jokes four to five feet above his high chair. I wish I could see the angel too. In the meantime, I'll just experience everything vicariously.

Something

2010-11-11T07:27:00.001-08:00

wonderful and magnificent is going to happen.

On Gloves

2010-10-08T06:33:00.000-07:00

Since it's gotten colder outside I started thinking about winter stuff. I bet the word "glove" is a combination of "God" and "Love". That must be why they're so warm and comfortable.

My Apology To J

2010-10-05T10:17:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: God, I have to tell you I am so pissed and sad. I feel so cheated. I just made lunch for myself and I am so upset I can't even eat it.

God: What happened?

The Wandering Cartographer: It's a long story. If you could even call it a story.

God: Well then start at the beginning.

The Wandering Cartographer: I am hesitant to. First of all, this involves me totally embarrassing myself. Second of all, once again I brush on, "airing dirty laundry in public" when it comes to the Jewish community, which is something that is considered to be "not ideal". Thirdly, I don't like being angry. I have had too many negative experiences with anger. On the other hand, after spending my time reading comments by readers who were upset at, "The Jewish Standard", an obviously Jewish newspaper in New Jersey, for stating that it would no longer run same sex marriage announcements, I feel like it's finally a sign that I should share my story.

God: Well then go ahead.

The Wandering Cartographer: I'm scared what other people are going to think of me.

God: What do you think of you?

The Wandering Cartographer: What I am about to share has literally haunted me since I was fourteen years old. This is the background. I went to a "Modern Orthodox/Jewish" elementary school, whatever the term "Modern Orthodox" means anyway. I began attending when I was all of five years old. They told us all sorts of things in Your name, God. They told us all sorts of things in the name of Judaism, God. I don't know what Judaism is these days. I've spent my life trying to figure that out...

God: Go on.

The Wandering Cartographer: I used to be very close with a girl, starting from second grade, let's call her J. I always liked her, God. We used to crack up together. She is pretty, smart, sensitive, she is her own brand. We used to fight also, as we got older. I've been told many prepubescent and pubescent girls fight a lot. I suppose the only difference is in religious school and a religious lifestyle, you have the option of invoking the Almighty when you're arguing a point, which is very dangerous might I add.

God: Invoking the Almighty?

The Wandering Cartographer: Fine, it's time for specifics. After 6-7 years of intense religious conditioning, I drew the conclusion that to be Orthodox, whatever "Orthodox" means, is the highest form of existence on the planet. I have to interrupt myself here, I think my religion was _______________ (insert the name of my elementary school here), a conglomeration of bits and pieces of information and blanket statements made by the people hired as teachers in that institution which once again I took as the gospel because in my child mind, why would these people have lied to me? So I became "really religious", more so than immediate family might I add because at school they told us,_______________(insert anything here), I was there for 7-8 hours a day 10 months out of the year, young and impressionable, and therefore everything they preached must be true and incorporated into one's lifestyle.

God: So you thought you were Orthodox?

The Wandering Cartographer: Precisely. I was on top of the world. I mean, my elementary school gave me the secret for living right? Anyways, one day I was with my girlfriends. It was 7th or 8th grade. J was there as well. She told me something about how an aunt of hers was a lesbian. I think that's what precipitated the conversation. We got into a whole conversation about homosexuality. I was told that it was wrong, this homosexuality, against "halacha" (the way). I was told this by teachers whom I assumed were authorities. In my young, unexposed, sheltered, basically brainwashed mind, I connected the dots, "J is talking about a woman who loves other women, Rabbi or Mrs. so and so said that's ungodly, this is against Judaism, I am a Jew, my concepts are threatened, Judaism is the truth, I need to crusade for the 'truth'!"

God: So what happened?

The Wandering Cartographer: I parroted to her, "that's against halacha!"

God: And she got very upset?

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes. I have to confess though, as the argument escalated, something in my gut felt very wrong. I felt sick. I was saying one thing but at the same time I was wondering, "since when is religion supposed to make you feel like shit? Furthermore what does it matter if her aunt is a lesbian, J is nice, who cares if someone is gay?" Then the little voice in my head said, "do I really care about this?"

God: But you and your friends kept arguing.

The Wandering Cartographer: I hate to play the blame game here and make myself a victim of social conditioning, but I ignored my gut because adults who obviously had more life experience than me (as this is what adults appear like in the eyes of a child) said it's true, I am nothing but a kid and not as religious as everyone else, therefore to be like those other authorities I should keep fighting for what they said is right.

God: So you did?

The Wandering Cartographer: We argued till I told J, "you're an anti-semite!" Now I feel that it was a depraved statement, but I said it because I was always told by people I assumed were the authorities of Judaism, "homosexuality isn't okay", therefore that's Judaism, Judaism is from You, God, and it's our role to preserve it to the max. That, coupled with the fact that so many people were killed in the Holocaust, the constant barraging my peers and I got from our teachers that, "Orthodox Judaism is on the decline because of assimilation and intermarriage and that the Messiah will come when everyone keeps several Sabbaths consecutively" scared the living daylights out of me.

God: These teachers you looked up to were also human beings, Cartographer.

The Wandering Cartographer: Then why the F don't they tell the Truth. Don't make blanket statements to impressionable young people. Telling a roomful of students, "homosexuality is wrong" and ending the sentence there without further discussion is a crime against humanity.

God: Before we conclude, finish up what happened with J.

The Wandering Cartographer: Well of course, she was terribly hurt by me saying, "you're an anti-semite!" It was a nasty, filthy, untrue thing to say, and I feel like my whole life was a freaking lie sometimes. I was thinking to myself, after I saw her hysterically crying following our completely unnatural exchange, "I don't get it, I was only saying what they told me in school, adults are perfect, I was carrying on God's plan, how could this end up this way?" Then J went home, because she couldn't stop crying, her father called the principal, and I was called to his office, along with other friends. I don't even recall what happened after that, this event has scarred me for life. But I do remember with certainty that the principal didn't give a CRAP about the details and none of the people who fed me bigoted BS about how homosexuality is ungodly were there when I needed answers or were there for J. I feel like I was lured to acting like a cruel person. I am so upset that when I was reading the comments by so many readers of the Jewish Standard, many of whom, statistically, must be Orthodox, are now outspoken about the fact that ostracizing homosexuals is wrong and not Jewish. Where were you when I was being fed bigoted bullshit that I convinced myself was true? Where were you when the whole topic of homosexuality was brushed under the rug when I was in middle school? How are you, oh elementary school I attended, feeding children the unnatural idea that God loves one person more than another? I felt it was totally off then and I am in terrible pain about it now. I could have still been close with J if I hadn't believed you all. What a fool I was.

God: I know you're still hurting about that.

The Wandering Cartographer: Raw pain. I am crying as I write this. I am so upset about what my head was filled with as a kid. I know they told us nice things too. I am so pissed that I was even put through a phase where I actually believed that you, God, love one person more than another. I am so mad at myself for taking people literally. I am really sorry, J, that I believed what they told me. I sincerely apologize. I wish that Jewish education when I had it was more sensitive. I wish that all the people who wrote inspirational comments about respecting ALL of humanity on the Jewish Standard's nasty retraction of same sex marriage announcements had been there when I was in school. I stand by my truth that God loves everyone unconditionally. That always felt right for me, and I will trust myself more from now on.

On Dog Play Dates

2010-10-03T15:35:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: Our dog had a play date on Saturday evening with one of the other dogs in our building. She is a puppy. It was the cutest thing ever to watch them interact.

God: I saw.

The Wandering Cartographer: Thank you for pets. They always make my day.

God: You're welcome.

To My Grandmother

2010-09-26T10:37:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: I took a vacation from Facebook.

God: I know. I saw.

The Wandering Cartographer: You know what's interesting?

God: What?

The Wandering Cartographer: Coincidentally...

God: There is no such thing as a coincidence.

The Wandering Cartographer: I know. The Law of Attraction or what have you. Anyways, that week there was an article about Facebook or rather the new Facebook movie that's coming out in Newsweek magazine. It was by Jeremy McCarter.

God: Yes.

The Wandering Cartographer: I didn't focus on the article as much as I could have. But one point that he made was how Facebook is a site that people use to combat their inner anxieties about loneliness etc. Friends are, as the writer described, "a click away".

God: What do you think about Facebook vacations, Cartographer?

The Wandering Cartographer: Well, taking a huge break from Facebook was a psychological / spiritual experiment I did on myself. It's not the first time I have done this.

God: How did you feel when you did it?

The Wandering Cartographer: Good. Left out. But good. I felt free. I realize once again, it's okay to be alone with one's self. Some of the time I was on that break, I even felt extremely bored.

God: You've always had a hard time with the word "bored".

The Wandering Cartographer: That's true. It's based on something my Grandmother used to tell me that I took very seriously. She always used to say, "smart people are never bored". I took it as the gospel. Every time I used to feel bored, I felt like an idiot who would never measure up to all my other peers and family members who apparently never felt "bored".

God: It was your assumption that because one person said, "smart people are never bored" therefore no one feels bored. Try not to attribute one person's statement to large groups. It can cause things to go awry in your sense of perception.

The Wandering Cartographer: I suppose.

God: How do you feel about boredom now?

The Wandering Cartographer: Boredom is a state of mind that can feel extremely unpleasant. On the other hand, it is a way of getting one to choose direction. In which case, I suppose boredom isn't a bad thing. Maybe my grandmother meant that I should never allow myself to get to a place that I don't know where I am going?

God: She may have. We're not discussing your grandmother though, we're talking about you, The Wandering Cartographer.

The Wandering Cartographer: Well here's the deal, occasionally, I feel that many social interactions I have, and a large amount of it used to be on Facebook, is sort of like an implied mutual understanding that groups of people agree to take turns entertaining each other. It becomes it's own drama, not much different than in real life, whatever the term "real life" means anyway. If one person's profile isn't juicy enough, I'll move on to the next one, you know what I mean? I feel like for me, depriving myself of social outlets on occasion, has reminded me that everything begins in the inner world. If I provide myself with wisdom, entertainment, whatever else human beings like to do with themselves, fill in the blank here:______________, day to day drama doesn't apply to me. Everything has to come from within. Otherwise I give away my power. Something is still bothering me though.

God: What is that?

The Wandering Cartographer: Is it not occasionally depressing that the state of humanity is always a search for something? Some inner sense of lacking gnawing away at our insides? That there is more out there that we're just not getting to?

God: That's because there is more out there than what you're up to now.

The Wandering Cartographer: Like what? Tell me!

God: Why would I do that? There is so much for you to appreciate and experience now.

The Wandering Cartographer: The world is beautiful. As is what I have seen of outer space from pictures in astronomy books.

God: Choose one thing to focus on. Enjoy it for all it's worth to you, then expand, explore, create. Life provides so many instances to be who you decide to be and what you want to make of anything. Why do you want me to cloud that for you so soon? Mellow out, Cartographer.

The Wandering Cartographer: This is true. I feel it. Isn't it interesting how a Facebook vacation reminded me of that?

God: Everything can always be interesting.

The Wandering Cartographer: I have my Grandmother to thank for that.

God: You do. You also helped shed some insight on it.

The Wandering Cartographer: So did you. It's nice to interact as a team.

God: Well, that's the beauty of relationships.

The Wandering Cartographer: Hmmm....I could talk about this for a while, I need to get ready to go out now.

God: Enjoy.

On The Depth of Superficiality

2010-09-15T15:09:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: Our neighbors' puppy has been crying, home alone in their apartment all day. I feel so bad for her. She's the cutest dog ever. Do you think I should offer them to keep her in our house during the day? That way our dog could have a friend and she won't be sad anymore.

God: I don't know, should you?

The Wandering Cartographer: Well if I do, they might think I'm weird or something for offering. What if they think I'm crossing boundaries or up to no good, or I dunno, fill in the blank.

God: Your mother used to call that the "what if" game.

The Wandering Cartographer: Ah, laugh out loud, the what if game. I've noticed something about myself and others that I suspect is a huge player in why human beings don't get along very often.

God: What would that be?

The Wandering Cartographer: There's this ubiquitous assumption human beings have that everyone else thinks about / interprets the world in the exact same way they do, on the same time frame as they do, and otherwise assume that everyone else is currently or should be reading their minds. I've heard countless adults describe children this way, but actually we all function like this, not just those under the age of eighteen. It just shows how everything we believe is limiting us is really us limiting ourselves, and then we rationalize by blaming others for something that was a confining construction of our own distorted thought processes.

God: Laugh. Out. Loud.

The Wandering Cartographer: Seriously though, I'd like to start being more open and assume less about people. I'm going to ask our neighbors the next time I see them.

God: That sounds like a plan.

The Wandering Cartographer: I realize now, although it's still hard to internalize occasionally, that so many supposed disagreements I've had with people, that people have had with me, that others have had with each other, are all because of what is superficially called "lack of communication". But instead of working on communication skills we somehow missed the point of why "lack of communication" occurs, namely, not everyone thinks the way we do.

God: I just pointed out a beauty in that to you.

The Wandering Cartographer: Indeed. I never realized this, when you look at it another way, I just went ahead and assumed that lack of communication and everyone thinking differently is a negative. But in another respect, this assumption we make that everyone thinks along the same lines we do is an incredible hint to the Oneness that lies ahead.

God: How so?

The Wandering Cartographer: It's like this weird spiritual confusion, we have some inherent understanding that we are all one, emanating from the same source, and it gets contorted by a reality of illusion and duality. In this current state of humanity, we say sentences such as, "he should do this, or she should have known that I was feeling that and therefore behaved differently, how dare they!" It seems snotty and superficial, but in the superficiality is a depth! The depth that amidst such silliness, we understand that everyone is capable of great spiritual connectedness. I couldn't be disappointed by something unless I had an inkling that it could be different. How's that for a paradox? God, I love paradoxes.

God: I know you do.

The Wandering Cartographer: So where does this leave me amongst my peers? I know there are times where I could have acted differently, handled something differently, I don't know, I am sure many could fill in the blank here:__________________. But on the other hand, where do I define myself? Who am I in all of this?

God: You tell me.

The Wandering Cartographer: I want to make sense of stuff that is seemingly senseless. I am always at a loss when it comes to this point. I seriously am sending out a formal apology into the Universe for anyone who has been offended by me. Isn't it interesting, a question about a puppy turned into an apology. What else can I do?

God: What does your husband say?

The Wandering Cartographer: Be Love.

God: Then do that. Everything is okay.

On Milestones

2010-09-14T11:25:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: I just finished making soup.

God: I saw.

The Wandering Cartographer: I still have to add barley in. It will make it thicker. Now that it's in the making, I can write.

God: If you say so.

The Wandering Cartographer: Your response makes me think of something, actually I was thinking about this for a while, but I am hoping you can give me an answer to this.

God: What would that be?

The Wandering Cartographer: You know how I just said that now that the soup is done, or sort of done, I can write?

God: Yes.

The Wandering Cartographer: Sometimes I feel like my life, and perhaps life in general is conducted in a manner of, "if this, then that". It's kind of a bummer.

God: Can you elaborate a little more?

The Wandering Cartographer: Well to expand this soup metaphor, although I think I should come up with some new term, it's not precisely a metaphor because this actually happened, I'm thinking more my soup attitude, yes, my attitude about the soup, anyways, I am babbling...

God: It might be useful not to label things as "babble", and just express yourself. If you've already judged what you have to say as "babble" how could you expect anyone else to react differently?

The Wandering Cartographer: I guess. Fine. I feel like in some ways life is all about looking forward to stuff, then when that stuff happens, and people realize it's over it's a huge letdown and sends them into a depression of sorts, then they pick out the next thing, person, event to pin all their expectations on, get disappointed in that, and continue on that way until they die, bitter about how things went.

God: How do you see this in your life?

The Wandering Cartographer: Well for one thing, the way I got through school was looking forward to things holiday breaks, planned vacations, the sabbath, a play date with a friend after school, high school, college, picking a career, finding a boy friend, getting married, having a baby. Then when I got these things it's like, okay, who am I? I feel like children in our society are geared towards always planning for the future, and never being in the moment. There I go blaming society again but it's true! When do I find out who I am? I did everything that was prescribed.

God: It seems like you're exactly one of "those people" as you called them. Looking to others for a great answer and expecting the world from them.

The Wandering Cartographer: Blaming society for my occasional moments of question and boredom? Blaming you for not handing me the answer on a silver platter? Blaming other people for letting me down?

God: Perhaps. Do you think you ended up with the religion you are, the people you grew up with, the society you live in as a result of a cruel hoax?

The Wandering Cartographer: To be honest, occasionally I do. I think, what sort of a sick joke is this place? How preposterous does this get? You know, two separate friends of mine, and to tell you the truth, before I say what they told me, I have to be honest, for a loooong time I've had the same feeling, said that they felt like their entire lives were like a book. The question is, who is writing this?

God: You are.

The Wandering Cartographer: It was funny that both my friends said that around the time of Rosh Hashana, the New Year, where Judaism describes You, God, as inscribing us in books.

God: You inscribe your own book.

The Wandering Cartographer: Sometimes things don't seem to go the way I want them to. Sometimes I don't know how I want them to go.

God: Just be, relative to any situation.

The Wandering Cartographer: Easier said than done.

God: Not necessarily.

The Wandering Cartographer: I'm trying to figure out a way to end this. My son just woke up.

God: Perhaps there is no way to "end" anything, Cartographer. Everything is a beautiful, creative continuation.

The Wandering Cartographer: Hmmm...

On Waving

2010-09-02T10:18:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: How are you doing?

God: Well...

The Wandering Cartographer: Is there even an answer that you can give me that I can understand?

God: Even if I choose to, Cartographer, why would you want to understand everything?

The Wandering Cartographer: I think I know where you're headed with this.

God: We could be headed in one hundred different directions. What would you like to focus on?

The Wandering Cartographer: I thought about discussing my frustration with human nature. But it's getting old already, God. I don't want to be that bitter person who has nothing better to do than complain all the time. Sometimes I feel like I get mixed messages from you, occasionally you'll throw me a very deep answer about why people do what they do. Other times I'll get hints that perhaps trying to figure things out and analyze them to death isn't productive either.

God: Where did you get the latter from?

The Wandering Cartographer: It was a conclusion I sort of drew after reading the first few chapters of the latest book I am reading, "In Search of Stones" by M. Scott Peck. He was saying how he doesn't understand himself, in spite of the fact that he is a psychiatrist. Then he said how everything has numerous causes. Thus far, from what I have read of the book, he also discusses such topics within the age that we're living in now, "The Age of Reason", an age where rational understanding is viewed as the path to Divinity. To me, living in the Age of Reason means, "okay, if I understand this, I can control it and viola I am God!" I think that such an attitude is occasionally dangerous, depending on what one's intentions are regarding what to do with such information. But I digress, anyways, M. Scott Peck seems to stress an aspect of you, God, that in my life experience so far hasn't been played up much, the aspect of Mystery. To me it seems a little more feminine in nature, this aspect of Divine Mystery, not everything has to be understood, mastered and potentially manipulated, surrendering to the not knowing is quite liberating. I am so confused though, God.

God: Why?

The Wandering Cartographer: I thought that earlier this week, I experienced a personal break through in my quest to understand why people do what they do. I was happy about it, because I felt it was a way to let go of toxic bitterness towards others who I perceive to have "wronged" me.

God: What did you experience?

The Wandering Cartographer: Should I start from the very beginning?

God: Why not? Give us a little background.

The Wandering Cartographer: I called a relative of mine overseas to wish him a "Shana Tova" (A Happy New Year) because the Jewish new year is coming up. We're going away next week and I knew that I wouldn't have time to personally wish him one closer to when the holiday actually begins so I figured while my son was sleeping, in between dish washing would be the perfect instance to do it. I called him and he picked up the phone. When he answered, his voice sounded a bit stressed so I asked if I called at a bad time. He said, "nah it's okay, We're just all out shopping at the moment." To which I responded, "I just wanted to say, 'Shana tova' now because we're going away". Then as soon as I said that line, I hear the cheery voice of another relative of mine say, "well I am glad that you did!" It was nice to hear my other relative's voice, but God, I have to tell you I was so embarrassed and felt like such an idiot I wanted to cry and disappear from planet Earth.

God: Why did you feel like such an idiot Cartographer?

The Wandering Cartographer: I guess "idiot" was my final conclusion. First of all, I felt like some egotistical moron, assuming that people wait around for a, "Happy New Year" wish from The Wandering Cartographer. Second of all, I was mad at myself for exposing myself to such humiliation, am I such a burden on this person that he couldn't let me finish my sentence, I had to be carted off after four or five words to someone else who has the patience to listen to me? What a fool I am to call with expectations. I felt this need to analyze the failed conversation out of existence.

God: Perhaps this is what M. Scott Peck was referring to when he alluded to what you described to be as, "the absurdities of where reasoning will take you"? That's why we created that chat you had with the cashier.

The Wandering Cartographer: You mean the chat I had with the cashier at Rite Aid later that day?

God: Yes. Tell your readers what happened.

The Wandering Cartographer: I went out to buy nail polish that day when my husband came home from work. I am so sick of always wearing the same red color. So went to Rite Aid, a pharmacy a couple of blocks from our apartment. I selected some happy pinkish orange shade and also choose a purple, dark color cause I figured it would be fun for my toes or something. Anyways, I got online and when it was my turn, I asked the cashier, whose name I forgot, how he was doing that day. The second I asked him, I zoned out and focused on the price of the nail polish. When I tuned back in a few seconds later, I realized he was telling me that he couldn't wait to get off for the day. He said something like, "two more hours and I am out..." I apologized saying, "Forgive me, I missed the beginning, I am on another planet right now."

God: What was his response?

The Wandering Cartographer: He said, "Don't worry about it, whatever planet you're on, I'm probably on the one right next to it, see me wave?" As he said that, he literally waved and was laughing about it.

God: Does that help you out a bit, Cartographer?

The Wandering Cartographer: Oh you know it did. I feel like it would serve me, particularly as an occasional student of the human mind (which is what I studied in college) / my being the child of planet academia/ the fact that I was born in the Age of Reason, that the idea of "reason within reason" is possibly a much healthier attitude to have when going about day to day tasks. For every explanation we can project on another as to why someone did what they did, someone else can come up with some other perspective. In the end, we're all our own little worlds, interacting with each other. My relative, the one who I initially thought hurt my feelings, was very immersed in his. It's not a bad thing to be in your own little world, or on your own planet, there's always someone else to wave to as we play in the endless cosmos of creation.

God: I am glad you were pleased with your Rite Aid chat, Cartographer.

The Wandering Cartographer: Can you really be glad? I mean, you're God, is God ever glad?

God: On your planet, Cartographer, I am what they call, "glad". Maybe on another's planet, I am something else.

The Wandering Cartographer: What about your planet? Or is that so my universe, to assume that there are planets in yours?

God: Mystery, Cartographer, Mystery, explore. Enjoy. In the meantime, wherever I am, that cashier was a wave from me.

;o)

On Various Experiences of Perspective

2010-08-23T11:25:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: I just switched the subject on you.

God: That's okay.

The Wandering Cartographer: Anyone reading this is going to think I am weird. What I've typed is like a sudden, mid-conversation interlude.

God: The beauty of perspective. Every sentient being has its own interpretation. You're entitled to private conversations, Cartographer.

The Wandering Cartographer: Sometimes I feel like if someone doesn't know everything, then they'll judge me.

God: Even if they did, why is that so upsetting?

The Wandering Cartographer: I don't know. I was thinking about that this morning when I was doing the dishes.

God: What were you wondering?

The Wandering Cartographer: Well I was considering people who hate Jews, as a concept, not as anti-semitism that is acted out in scenarios such as the Holocaust. It occurred to me, if I take myself, others and the world at large very seriously, anti-semitism should bother the hell out of me, like, "oh my gosh there are people out there who hate me because of my genetics, religious proclivities and social associations".

God: And?

The Wandering Cartographer: Then I realized that there things people I know have done that bother me a lot more. Fellow Jews. Comments people have made in passing, things that were done to me, ways I was treated, things I know people have said about me behind my back that were oddly enough far more painful to deal with.

God: What was your conclusion?

The Wandering Cartographer: I just found it so ironic. People I deal with in day to day life can be so much more offensive than the theoretical KKK member who BBQs burgers with friends cracking Auschwitz jokes. It just shows how much everything is what we make of it. Almost like stuff I find offensive is practically out of choice, particularly when you think of things on various scales ranging from macro to micro. On an intellectual level it makes no sense to get pissed off at the person who sits across from you in the synagogue, or that coworker, or the rude "friend".

God: I put you in a reality of choices.

The Wandering Cartographer: Perspective is also a choice. You know what blew me away?

God: What blew you away?

The Wandering Cartographer: We were in Target this weekend. We had to pick up some stuff for our son and our apartment. I looked at the food they were selling there in the "restaurant" in the front of the store. My jaw dropped at how cheap the food was. Huge amounts of food were being sold for $2.00 / $3.00.

God: I remember the look on your face, Cartographer.

The Wandering Cartographer: Here's what's strange though. My first thought, following my reading the menu was, "Okay, who got screwed to make such an affordable menu? Who was exploited? Who was murdered? Who is going hungry so I can eat nachos for $2.50?" Then I realized that whereas there is undeniable mass exploitation in the world, there is also mass abundance, which I'd like to formally thank you for. I was looking at a map of the United States, something I haven't done in a while. The country is gigantic. I mean huge. I have spent my whole life in my own geographic/social bubbles. Whereas I thought that was extensive enough, there is basically an entire, humongous planet out there. Perhaps the food is also inexpensive because thank God, there is so much corn grown in my country. Do I think that farmers and everyone else involved in agriculture deserve greater benefits and recognition? Absolutely. But dude, there is a huge, overflowing world out there. I think that people, at least, me for sure, forget to remember/recognize that. Why am I always initially so negative? Why do I always assume that something bad happened before something good?

God: Or that everything is what it is and you add the twist?

The Wandering Cartographer: Exactly! Perspective is so fascinating. How liberating!

On Creation

2010-08-17T06:32:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: You know, as I was washing my son's bottles just now I was thinking more about our conversation last night.

God: I know. I heard you thinking.

The Wandering Cartographer: I like thinking.

God: And?

The Wandering Cartographer: I'll tell you what I have a philosophical problem with, based on my observations. I feel like I should include a disclaimer that I am in no way pretending to be better than anyone else and the fact that I am kvetching (complaining) makes me a hypocrite once you hear what I have to say.

God: Why do you think you're kvetching?

The Wandering Cartographer: Because what I am about to say is going to sound negative.

God: That is a possible perspective. Why do you choose to discuss something seemingly negative?

The Wandering Cartographer: Because I think I can put a positive angle to it.

God: Well stop all this babbling and get to the point. You skipped breakfast to talk to me, and I would recommend you eat, you have a busy day ahead of you.

The Wandering Cartographer: Fine. I noticed amongst people, including myself in the past, that we almost look for problems and then through suffering we feel closer to you. Sort of like, "oh God, those people hate us, that group persecuted us, look at my illness, do you love me now? Am I going to Eden yet? Have I suffered enough to cleanse myself of my sins? Is this some sort of Divine retribution for saying crap about my friend last week?"

God: I have heard you think like that before. Yes.

The Wandering Cartographer: So it really bothers me. That thinking. It's like some sort of sado-maso pleasure trip on something inherently unhealthy. Ha. I'm kvetching about kvetching.

God: Stick to the topic.

The Wandering Cartographer: Then I got to thinking about creation, as we were discussing it last night. About how I have a choice to choose who I want to be in any given situation, like the traumatic one I had over the weekend. Then I started thinking about those people who upset me as partners in creation.

God: Yes. I noticed you weren't very upset with them after that.

The Wandering Cartographer: Ya. So then it occurred to me that Judaism actually offers a similar perspective to mine if you think about it.

God: What would that be?

The Wandering Cartographer: I've always loved Parshat Breishit (The first chapter of the book of Genesis). I'd say that at times it even bordered on obsession. When I was an observant Jew, it's a chapter that I used to read at length, and I loved reading what various Rabbis had to comment about the various passages.

God: I remember that.

The Wandering Cartographer: Those were good times. Anyways one thing that many wondered was why you started the Torah with that section. Just now it occurred to me, everything is about creation! For starters, the Torah describes utter chaos, with your spirit hovering above it. I could describe a lot of situations of my life like that. You had a choice of how you wanted to react to that (anthropomorphically speaking of course, Lehavdil) and you made an entire universe of unending beauty out of it. The Torah goes on to describe pretty unpleasant stuff in my opinion. I have always had a hard time with this. But then again, if I keep reminding myself of Breishit, meaning, who do I want to be in relation to this, what do I wish to create out of this subject matter, it's quite freeing. It opens the doors to the production of infinite wonders, like animals, like people, trees, plants, land, celestial bodies, time. Eden in our reality. Amazing. In essence, playing the martyr is a misunderstanding of the fact that Godliness isn't letting everyone know about how bad everything is for you, Godliness is perhaps recognizing that something isn't to your taste anymore, and deciding to be a creator in relation to it.

The Wandering Cartographer abruptly ended the conversation here, because she wanted to prepare breakfast for her mother and grandmother who came to visit her. They arrived mid-convo.;o)

♥

On Sadness

2010-08-16T20:53:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: Feh. I am in a blah mood.

God: Why blah?

The Wandering Cartographer: I don't know, something my husband showed me made me sad.

God: What made you sad?

The Wandering Cartographer: Well, my husband puts on Tefillin (phylacteries) every day.

God: How do you feel about that?

The Wandering Cartographer: I am very proud of him. I think the English word for Tefillin, "phylacteries" is hilarious. It sounds like a medication.

God: But you digress...

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes, I did. To be honest, seeing Tefillin sometimes pisses me off.

God: Why?

The Wandering Cartographer: Oh, I dunno, it brings up bad memories I guess.

God: Viewing something as "good" or "bad" is a choice, Cartographer. You and I talk about that a lot.

The Wandering Cartographer: I know.

God: So what happened?

The Wandering Cartographer: Well today while he was wearing them and praying, or perhaps more accurately, meditating, I was in the kitchen frying sweet potatoes. I'm obsessed with sweet potatoes lately.

God: What did he show you?

The Wandering Cartographer: Anyways, he walked up to me holding a siddur (prayer book) and opened it to the front cover and asked me if I had seen what was written in the front.

God: What did it say?

The Wandering Cartographer: I don't know, if I think about it I feel like crying. It's too sad.

God: Nu?

The Wandering Cartographer: Blah. It read, "Dear Wandering Cartographer, your youthful spirit and love of children is evident every Shabbat (Sabbath). Thanks for the great work, and we look forward to a great year next year! - A & S"

God: The prayer book was a gift to you from A & S?

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes, they were the youth directors for a while at the Shul (synagogue) I used to pray at regularly. I lead sabbath groups for kids with some of my friends. The groups were to keep children occupied while their parents were worshipping you. This is too sad though, I don't want to talk about it anymore.

God: Why is this sad?

The Wandering Cartographer: Cause those days are over.

God: What days?

The Wandering Cartographer: The days when I was a good Jew or people thought I was. People can be so vicious sometimes. This past Shabbat was an example of that or at least for a while I entertained the idea that it was traumatic.

God: What happened?

The Wandering Cartographer: We were at a family's house for Shabbat lunch. It was incredibly nice, generous and thoughtful of them to have us.

God: Nu...

The Wandering Cartographer: It wasn't them that I felt were rude to me, it was their guests. Somehow a conversation about the Mosque that's being built near or on ground zero, (I have stopped reading about this by choice and therefore no longer hold accurate information about specific details), came up. I understand why people are outraged by it. I personally don't think it's a huge deal. What bothered me about the way the discourse at the table was going was that people made assertions about an entire group of people, namely Muslims. I know that their assertions aren't correct, because I personally spoke to someone of the Muslim faith to ask her her opinion. What my Muslim friend answered me wasn't congruent with the rather unflattering hypothesis of the table guest and therefore what that person said is not true. This is the root of racism, or at least one of them. False assumptions projected onto large numbers is an invitation for hatred and disaster. I also said that I as a Jew had experienced anti-semitism, it felt bad, and therefore I don't practice racism as a rule, because I don't do unto others what I don't enjoy being done unto me.

God: And everyone at the table except your husband mocked you?

The Wandering Cartographer: In one way or another. I saw people rolling their eyes. The main speaker started criticizing me for a "liberal attitude" or something, I tuned her out a bit because it was fairly upsetting. This wasn't about liberal or conservative, this was basically a matter of logic, I spoke to someone Muslim who didn't agree with her, therefore all Muslims can't be included in her statement. That, and I am tired of hating others, it doesn't feel so hot anymore. Anyways God, it's so much easier to just agree with the masses sometimes instead of being made to feel like shit for thinking differently. I feel like people wanted me to know what a bad Jew / American I was anyways though.

God: You didn't feel terrible for very long though. What did I tell you in the book, "Conversations With God" by Neale Donald Walsch that helped you to understand?

The Wandering Cartographer: Well there was so much, and I must admit I am starting to feel tired. I've had an emotional evening. My current conclusion is that I have a choice of what kind of person I wish to create at any given moment. My choice was to stick to my truth, the same way the people who mocked me stuck to theirs. I guess we were all partners in creation and I am okay with that. It was a way to experience myself, even though it felt painful, now I can't say that I am suffering. Sometimes feeling emotional pain deeply isn't as atrocious as you think it may be.

God: So perhaps you shouldn't resist the sadness you felt about the Tefillin and the message in your siddur.

The Wandering Cartographer: This is true. I remember a quote that I got from Neale's website once, a quote that helped me.

God: What was that?

The Wandering Cartographer: "On this day of your life, Cartographer, I believe God wants you to know...that sorrow makes us all children again, destroys all differences of intellect. Ralph Waldo Emerson said that, and he was right. A good cry can be wonderful sometimes, and sadness is nothing more than love announced. Sadness and Unhappiness are not the same thing, and it is good to remember that.So if you're sad...be glad. It says something about you. And there are worse things. And there is this: sadness cleanses the heart."

God: This is true. This is beautiful.

The Wandering Cartographer: So I am not a bad Jew?

God: If you were sad, it means you love Judaism.

The Wandering Cartographer: This is true. It breaks my heart that there is so much hatred around.

God: Hatred is an illusion, Cartographer. I know it feels real, but I urge you not to be fooled.

The Wandering Cartographer: I know there are people who hate me. I know there are people who are mad at me. I just want everyone to be happy. It frustrates me if I can't be the one to help them.

God: People will help themselves. Everyone is okay. Now go hang out with your husband.

The Wandering Cartographer: My Phylacteries man. God, I love him.

God: I know you do. Nighty night.

On Fear Mongering

2010-08-09T19:53:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: So tell me, what is it with these links to articles, videos etc. that I see my fellow Jews posting which basically broadcast the message that the world thinks their blood is cheap? Sometimes it really makes me mad. I think dammit people, all you do is play the victim. Doesn't like attract like? You know, how if you think you're a victim, then you'll always be the victim? I'm freaking sick of it all this bloody negativity. I want to scream at them no one can mess with you unless you believe they can. Sometimes I think people want political problems cause it's a distraction from their inner sense of boredom.

God: That is what you would call a "judgment", Cartographer.

The Wandering Cartographer: Oh so all these annoying petition emails, these "they want to kill us, run for your lives" mass hysteria internet messages are perfectly fine? I should smile about them?

God: I am not telling you how you should feel, Cartographer. I am observing your thoughts. Your thoughts are not your emotions.

The Wandering Cartographer: Are you saying there's a different way to think about this?

God: For starters, yes.

The Wandering Cartographer: Well tell me, before I get even more upset.

God: This is your mental exercise, tell me another way to look at this.

The Wandering Cartographer: You could look at these things as, "wow, whiny American Jews don't know the first thing about life in Israel or life in Arab/and or Muslim societies, yet they still manage to have tons of opinions about it and shamelessly call attention to their perceived woes". On the other hand, it kind of reminds me of myself.

God: How so?

The Wandering Cartographer: A constant need to seek world approval I guess. I mean, who wouldn't love to have their physical/intellectual safety guaranteed? Being different is frightening. So I guess I don't know if what they're doing is even a bad thing. On the deepest level, even the most annoying political Sugar Honey Iced Tea comes from a place of love.

God: Laugh. Out. Loud. Sugar Honey Iced Tea.

The Wandering Cartographer: I used the acronym you taught me through my father's old coworker.

God: Indeed you did. I suggested perhaps profanity isn't always the optimal way for driving a point home. One day you will decide to move past that Cartographer.

The Wandering Cartographer: Until then, as I was saying, I think annoying, high pitched shrill fears about the world going to heck is coming from a desire for love and peace. Otherwise, why would war bother you, you know what I mean?

God: Yes.

The Wandering Cartographer: But it's still so annoying though, like, cut the garbage, and get to the point already. Maybe I don't like going onto Facebook and email to see this stuff.

God: First of all, no one is forcing you to read this. Second of all, you need to allow people to go along their own pace.

The Wandering Cartographer: This is true. You let me go on my own pace. I realized today a lot of stuff I have experienced was for my own evolution even though it felt terrible at the time.

God: Do you still wish you could erase your past? You used to tell me all the time how you wish you could delete entire chapters of your life.

The Wandering Cartographer: I don't, actually. These days, I feel that my past is just another tool for self creation in the present and future. Is that weird? Blah.

God: That's self - acceptance.

The Wandering Cartographer: According to Neale Donald Walsch, in his book, "Conversations With God", the self is actually a lot larger than we initially believe it to be.

God: Yes. What does that tell you?

The Wandering Cartographer: People that I think irritate me are on a higher level actually part of me. Patience with others is patience with myself and vice versa.

God: Indeed.

The Wandering Cartographer: Interesting thing to ponder whilst washing bottles. See you in the kitchen.

On The Torah And Stars

2010-08-04T20:51:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: God, when I was in Hebrew Day School I used to listen to Rabbis and peers give speeches called "Divrei Torah". They would include a Torah story, a law, quote other Rabbis or what have you and tie it all together with a moral message. Some of them were quite beautiful. Others were fairly disturbing. All the while I listened to them and somehow drew the conclusion that my speeches, if I ever were to give any would never be as good as everyone else's. I vowed to shut up. Then when I would comment in class I would always come home and kick myself for sounding so stupid.

God: Thoughts are capable of being very destructive. You had judgments about your ideas and hence they created a negative experience for you. Did you have an idea that you wish to share today?

The Wandering Cartographer: I did. But on the other hand, maybe it's better not to. I was always more of a nature type person. I LOVED science. One time when I was around eighteen years old I told a girl that the more science I learned, the more I realized I didn't know, and it was so exhilarating for me. She answered me that the only thing that the description "the more I learn the more I realize I don't know" applies to is the Torah. I was really embarrassed and felt like I was a bad Jew.

God: I just answered you on that. What did I tell you?

The Wandering Cartographer: I believe you said that the entire world was created through Torah. Or the letters of the Torah. Or was it that the Torah is a blue print for the world? In which case science would also be Torah. If you created it, it has to be part of you. In which case, it's perfect and Divine. In my world, admiring your brilliance is a form of worship. If I want to read all about outer space with the knowledge that only a being as remarkable as you could have designed that, what's so unholy about it?

God: In Hebrew there is no word for "holy", just for the record.

The Wandering Cartographer: "For the record", that sounds like a phrase I use every now and then.

God: For your record, Cartographer, would be more accurate. What did you wish to say about the word, "holy"?

The Wandering Cartographer: The English word "holy" that I see in many biblical translations as well as prayer books is a gross misinterpretation of the Hebrew word "Kadosh" which would probably more accurately indicate, "separate". Actually, I think the word "sanctified" is an even better choice. Once again in my opinion the word "sanctified" revolves around mental intention, which kind of supports other assertions of mine which I have recorded in previous conversations we've had. I guess the adjective "separate" is thus a byproduct of the word "sanctified" but if you don't get to the crux of a concept, it's very easy for falsities to mix in. I think I just got sidetracked.

God: How did you get sidetracked?

The Wandering Cartographer: Actually maybe I didn't. My intentions were to share an insight I had while reading a science book today.

God: What book are you reading?

The Wandering Cartographer: "Carl Sagan: The Varieties Of Scientific Experience: A Personal View Of The Search For God" edited by Ann Druyan.

God: So what is the issue?

The Wandering Cartographer: A seemingly random scientific fact helped me have a spiritual insight that I found to be particular helpful in letting go of anger towards someone who irritated me last week. After reading it, I thought to myself, "it would have been so much cooler if this were some Jewish thing and I could transmit a moral idea in that theme. People would perhaps find it to be more valid.

God: Beautiful messages can be found in many ways, different aspects of my creation speak to people in various ways. After all, I did start the bible with an intricate description of the natural world. Is that a coincidence?

The Wandering Cartographer: Breishit (Genesis) was always my favorite Parsha.

God: I know. I remember when you memorized it. Cartographer, try not to let the past color your future.

The Wandering Cartographer: Are you instructing me? I thought you were the silent type who didn't care.

God: It's a loving hint.

The Wandering Cartographer: Fine. So then I will share what I read and how it changed me.

God: Share the quote first.

The Wandering Cartographer: Well, it said, "The lifetime of the Milky Way Galaxy is something like ten thousand million years, and therefore a modest average estimate of the rate of star formation is about ten stars per year. A very interesting number, that, by itself. Every year there are ten new suns that are born in the Milky Way Galaxy, and many of them, probably, with planetary systems..."

God: What was your reaction?

The Wandering Cartographer: I feel like I regressed and then expanded. I first read it, and with all due honesty my reaction was, "omg, that's so cute, in our galaxy there are ten new baby stars per year, squeak, baby stars!"

God: You're on a baby vibe, a couple of months ago, you spent hours in a nursery in the hospital were you gave birth to your son, staring at all the new arrivals on Earth. Now you take care of him every day. It's natural.

The Wandering Cartographer: Then I projected it onto the world of astronomy.

God: So you consider that to be a regression?

The Wandering Cartographer: I don't know if it was a regression per se, it was a sort of anthro-centric (is that a word?) reaction to something so huge, it's practically unfathomable. I mean this is just one galaxy we're discussing that's light years across. There are so many galaxies in the universe and I am awed by just the one that I happen to reside in.

God: Then what did you think?

The Wandering Cartographer: Ten stars, that's like ten suns and I really care how someone worded an email to me? I was humbled. Then I felt empowered. It's almost like, who wants to focus on wording of emails when you can wonder about star formation? But that's just me. Perspective. Ah. I guess I'd call this one of many of a "Divrei Science" series. It's interesting that you can learn ways of reacting to fellow man through the stars.

God: Indeed. Have a good night, Cartographer.

The Wandering Cartographer: You too.

On Entitlement and Gratitude

2010-08-02T12:13:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: Blah, I am so frustrated.

God: Yes?

The Wandering Cartographer: I just tried to talk to my father about this on the phone to get his opinion, but he's busy.

God: Let's work through this then. What's bothering you?

The Wandering Cartographer: Where does one draw the line between a sense of entitlement and gratitude? I can't even make sense of these concepts.

God: Why do you need to?

The Wandering Cartographer: I want to have definitive explanations because then I could understand my past better and thus understand myself better.

God: What would knowing that do for you?

The Wandering Cartographer: I suppose it would be empowering. Then I could feel good about my decisions.

God: You mean you wouldn't feel good about your decisions of your own accord?

The Wandering Cartographer: No, because then I would have to take responsibility for myself.

God: Is there something wrong with that?

The Wandering Cartographer: It's kind of daunting I guess.

God: Only if you judge yourself as having done something wrong.

The Wandering Cartographer: Morality is so complicated.

God: You're falling short of yourself Cartographer. What did you tell me about "right" and "wrong"?

The Wandering Cartographer: I said that I made a moral decision to not believe in "right" and "wrong".

God: Why did you choose that?

The Wandering Cartographer: In my opinion very egregious things have been done in the name of "the right thing to do" and many important things were overlooked in the name of "it's wrong". I don't think it's necessary to elaborate too much. To pick an example that has been on my mind a lot recently, I'll discuss the idea of "modesty". In the name of "doing the right thing" I was humiliated and degraded by several adults in elementary school for having worn a skirt to school that was deemed to be "too short" and hence "immodest". Those people believed they were doing the "right thing" by saving me from wearing something that showed too much leg. Meanwhile, I still experience emotional pain from that incident, which occurred over twelve years ago.

God: So now we're up to speed with your latest philosophy. What's your latest quandary?

The Wandering Cartographer: Oh yea, so like I was saying. I don't understand when it's appropriate to stop taking and asking things of people.

God: It's an interesting dilemma to ponder.

The Wandering Cartographer: Is it messed up of me to wonder this? Am I a judgmental ass?

God: Maybe about yourself you are. Why do you want to keep harping on this? You can always choose again instead of treading in the past.

The Wandering Cartographer: Can you indulge me for just a little?

God: Where do you believe in anthropological terms this issue stems from, Cartographer?

The Wandering Cartographer: When I was a kid, there were many instances that people did nice things for me. Then adults and other children (who merely parrot what they hear adults saying)would say comments like, "that person didn't have to do that for you" or "you're the luckiest girl ever" or "you should be nothing but grateful for what you have".

God: What bothers you about lines like that?

The Wandering Cartographer: I LOATHE with a capital "L" the word "luck". I find it to be a blasphemy of epic proportions and incredibly insulting when people use it to me or people I love.

God: Why?

The Wandering Cartographer: "Luck" implies a sort of impotence. Saying "good luck" is like saying, "you have no control in anything, let's just pray you get what you think you want" or "you completely didn't deserve that gift, good experience or what have you, the only reason you got it was by chance and you had no say in the matter". I also don't understand why Jews use terms like "mazal" implying that a good fortune has dripped down from the Heavens through the constellations to you, because it illustrates a belief in predestination. What has become of Judaism?

God: So you're observing themes of unworthiness in daily activity.

The Wandering Cartographer: I think so, yes. But am I some sort of destructive hypocrite, breaking up what everyone believes?

God: Breaking it up?

The Wandering Cartographer: Or perhaps shedding light on the mundane means that I cherish basic stuff more than other people because I think about it more. Is it bad to think?

God: Nothing is good or bad. It is what you make of it.

The Wandering Cartographer: So what's the difference between entitlement and gratitude?

God: What did Shlomi tell you?

The Wandering Cartographer: Should we tell everyone who Shlomi is?

God: If you feel that you should introduce him, why not?

The Wandering Cartographer: Shlomi is a cab driver in Israel. He drove me to my sister in law's bachelorette party in Tel Aviv and since that ride, we became good friends. He's driven me lots of places. I miss him.

God: So what did Shlomi say?

The Wandering Cartographer: Basically the difference between feeling entitled to something and feeling grateful for getting something nice is a matter of ego. He said if someone is offering to help you of their own accord and you refuse their help because you don't want to accept lest you be indebted to them or whatever then it's an ego issue. He said if someone gives you something and you behave nicely and lovingly then it's perfectly fine. I would add my own opinion to that which is that if you have nice things, gratitude is a sort of graceful understanding that we work together with God for perfection at any given moment. It's nothing to judge, feel guilty about or try to cover up. If you achieved something with love and highest intention towards Divinity and yourself, it is okay to have nice things.

God: An interesting fusion, Cartographer.

The Wandering Cartographer: Thank you, and Shlomi. I can't wait to catch up with him one of these days.

God: Call him when you're in Israel then.

The Wandering Cartographer: Well I don't want to make any promises. But I know I would like to. Now I am going to eat lunch. Thank you for talking to me, God.

The People Belt

2010-07-27T10:14:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: Laugh. Out. Loud.

God: What's so funny?

The Wandering Cartographer: I had one of the "trippiest" thoughts I've had in a while. It popped into my head cause I am reading, "Carl Sagan The Varieties of Scientific Experience" edited by Ann Druyan.

God: What was the thought?

The Wandering Cartographer: Could you imagine if there was some solar system out there in an alternate universe that was exactly the same as ours except that people were asteroids and asteroids were people? The detail of this that made me laugh the most was that in this alternate universe between the other Mars and Jupiter, there would be a "People Belt" in place of the "Asteroid Belt".

God: Ha.

The Wandering Cartographer: Is it arrogant that I am assuming you'd laugh along with me?

God: Perhaps it's arrogant to assume that I wouldn't.

The Wandering Cartographer: Interesting.

On Germs

2010-07-26T13:29:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: Seriously, thank you.

God: You're most welcome.

The Wandering Cartographer: No one is going to know what we're talking about.

God: So tell them.

The Wandering Cartographer: I occasionally have a fear of germs. Big time.

God: You did.

The Wandering Cartographer: I am realizing now on so many different levels of consciousness as to why it doesn't serve me to be scared about them.

God: Such as?

The Wandering Cartographer: Well I have an immune system. I can also keep things clean. These are such basic things though.

God: Didn't your father point out once to you that it takes brilliance to restate the obvious?

The Wandering Cartographer: I was just thinking that. Plus I was reading about the concept of "Grace" in the book, "The Road Less Traveled". One example that M. Scott Peck brought up to expound upon it was that on one hand people get infectious diseases but on the other it's so amazing how considering how much bacteria there is, we don't die instantly. Some other force is at play.

God: Indeed.

The Wandering Cartographer: I am seeing it more and more, in my own experience.

God: Oh, yes.

The Wandering Cartographer: It happened when I was leaving the neighborhood kosher store, ironically.

God: Why is that ironic?

The Wandering Cartographer: Because people think I am not a Jew.

God: Judaism is something which you hold to be sacred. Do you suppose it to be a coincidence therefore that you had a spiritual experience outside a commercial venue dedicated to catering to Jewish dietary customs?

The Wandering Cartographer: I guess not.

God: So tell everyone what happened.

The Wandering Cartographer: So I got paranoid about germs cause I was there with my son. When I left the store after purchasing seaweed and udon noodles, I put hand sanitizer on my hands. Then a disheveled man sitting on the outside window part of the store asked me if my child was a boy or a girl. I told him that my baby was a boy. Then he asked me if it was my first child. I said yes. He looked at me and said for all the rest of my days, my husband's days and my son's days on Earth, we should only be healthy. I felt really relieved after that. I really appreciate that you sent that man to talk to me, God. I feel that certain people need to receive messages in different ways and you understand this and demonstrate it through your own grace. Thank you.

God: You're welcome. It is my pleasure to see growth. You are all always growing.

The Wandering Cartographer: Thank God.

On Questioning

2010-07-26T09:13:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: Am I trashing my own religion?

God: Define trashing.

The Wandering Cartographer: I dunno, like, taking apart all the details of the Jewish faith and casting doubt upon all of it. A lot of people from my community would call it, "airing dirty laundry in public". I think it would be considered fuel to the fire of anti-semitism. Perhaps they'd think of it as a gift to rabid atheists who will jump on anything to disprove religion.

God: That's one possible perspective. However you know something else to be wholly true in your experience.

The Wandering Cartographer: What is that?

God: I will not speak for you. I gave you a brain.

The Wandering Cartographer: I see many Orthodox people who practice Judaism and ignore themselves in the process. I see anxiety, and again, I am saying this about Jews at the moment because I happened to grow up Jewish. If I started ranting about Muslims, that would be arrogance because I do not know Muslims that well...

God: I am cutting you off here to recommend that you not get defensive, this is what I mean when I encourage you to speak positively.

The Wandering Cartographer: Fine. I see massive cognitive dissonance in people and I believe that it bothers them, yet they ignore it in your name. I see this cognitive dissonance yielding fits of passing anxiety which makes people secretly resentful of their faith. I find that to be a blasphemy. When I question something and take the time to work through it, it's because I value what I am thinking about. I was just reading in the book, "The Road Less Traveled" the notion that people who enroll themselves in therapy are healthier mentally than people who resist it. People talk to therapists to grow. When you ignore, your soul no longer evolves. I consider working through my religious beliefs to be a style of "avodat Hashem". What is the point of preforming mitzvot while you're secretly thinking the whole time how much you hate what you're doing? Do people assume that you don't know what the truth is?

God: Many people are afraid of themselves. Their power frightens them. I have said this countless times, through countless writers. You see this which is why you attracted books that are on your current level of consciousness.

The Wandering Cartographer: Hmmm...I feel guilty because someone told me one of the books I read "wasn't kosher".

God: He was using his brain the same way you are. You're entitled to disagree.

The Wandering Cartographer: Why do I feel like I am not entitled.

God: What do you think?

The Wandering Cartographer: I think I've been trained by everyone around me to doubt myself.

God: Now what do you think?

The Wandering Cartographer: Now that I've been trashed, or think that I have been trashed, the fact that I can work things out for myself makes everything more meaningful.

God: Okay then.

The Wandering Cartographer: Time to wash dishes.

On Slichot

2010-07-23T11:50:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: I'm mad.

God: Mad?

The Wandering Cartographer: There are people out there whom I believe owe me major apologies and I don't want anything to do with them until they recognize that they have wronged me and asked for forgiveness.

God: Who has wronged you?

The Wandering Cartographer: I wouldn't want to blog about it and embarrass them. But they know who they are and they should get to it.

God: How would you like me to address your claim, Cartographer?

The Wandering Cartographer: On many levels. I have a thing for strata.

God: You're into a geology phase again?

The Wandering Cartographer: Sooner or later I'll get back to exploring that. Right now I am pissed.

God: The fact that you can't be harmed doesn't put out the flames of wrath?

The Wandering Cartographer: Well what if I am not ready to understand that I am not able to be harmed?

God: I would say that is your choice.

The Wandering Cartographer: Then I enjoy being mad at people? It's the ultimate way to avoid responsibility?

God: You tell me.

The Wandering Cartographer: You know, as someone who always saw Jesus as a renegade Jew, I used to think, "what an arrogant man, who does he think he is, saying he has pardoned everyone?"

God: And now?

The Wandering Cartographer: I discovered the perspective in the book, "Conversations With God" that he was basically saying that we are forgiven because we are immortal, spiritual beings who can't be harmed and therefore sin doesn't exist because everything is perfect. We're only harmed if we believe ourselves to be harmed. With that rationale, in Ultimate Reality, the idea of sin would be a total absurdity. I'm inclined to agree with him.

God: So what is bothering you?

The Wandering Cartographer: That's so not Jewish. I am a bad Jew. God, everyone is going to hate me.

God: If you say it, then it must be true.

The Wandering Cartographer: But then recently I got to thinking about "slichot". (slichot = special prayers asking God for forgiveness around the time of the high holidays, Google it if you don't know, I am not in the mood to explain)

God: What about them?

The Wandering Cartographer: You know how there is that line where you, God, say to Moshe Rabbenu, "salachti kidvarecha". My guess, if memory serves is that in the common prayer book it was translated from Hebrew to English according to the Artscroll Siddur prayer book as "I have forgiven according to your words". This leaves tremendous room for misunderstanding, not that I believe there is ever one true explanation. However, I'll give you an example of how grotesque people's grasps are on what this means. When I was pregnant, at the beginning of my pregnancy I threw up so much I had to be hospitalized. In the hospital I had what I judged to be an awful experience and I was lying in bed suffering. I mean I was crying and the nurses treated me like crap. The woman in the bed next to me said that I should pray to you and tell you that you had to help me. That what was going on wasn't fair and it was your job to fix it. When you think about that though, if you didn't fix it, I would therefore have license to detest you if I didn't get what I thought I wanted.

God: Okay. Never mind where you think other people may have erred, tell me in definitive language. What does "salachti kidvarecha" mean to you?

The Wandering Cartographer: First of all, the Hebrew words for "things" and "speech" have the same root letters. In my opinion that indicates a philosophy that what we say materializes. Therefore you answered Moses with the words, "salachti kidvarecha" implying to the Jews that "if you think you have sinned, and speak about it, then you have in essence materialized your own words".

God: That is an interesting take on it, Cartographer.

The Wandering Cartographer: Is it really though? Cause I feel like maybe I interpreted you saying that as a way to flatter myself. I hate to be arrogant.

God: Demanding an apology for something isn't the height of arrogance?

The Wandering Cartographer: Meaning what? Asking for an apology is like saying, "you're wrong and I am right and therefore until you have acknowledged your inferiority to me, I no longer will communicate with you?"

God: That is your perspective. What did you tell me the other day about the death penalty?

The Wandering Cartographer: Oh, the reasons why I no longer support it?

God: Yes.

The Wandering Cartographer: I do not support the death penalty because even if the criminal is killed, it doesn't bring back the victim from the dead. If anything, because we judge death to be such a terrible thing, it's a higher insult to the victim because we're saying, "hey look, you and the bad person ended up with the same fate." It doesn't fix anything except of course removing a dangerous person from the streets without taxpayers having to pay lots of money to house him or her in jail for the rest of his or her days on Earth. This is all so absurd though.

God: I am wondering how you'll extend that reasoning towards apologies.

The Wandering Cartographer: Me too. I guess even if I believed a person harmed me then them apologizing doesn't undo what I found to be so disdainful. Harping on the past doesn't do much good, it's pretty unproductive. Unless that's what makes someone happy, blaming others. I don't like it when people are mad at me.

God: Your ego doesn't like it. Perhaps it's arrogance to want everyone to love you?

The Wandering Cartographer: It's hard to wrap my mind around that. I have this need to do stuff for people.

God: Well then for people who have a need to be mad, you've given them a gift.

The Wandering Cartographer: Made myself a target for blame? That seems very unhealthy.

God: Then you need to choose what kind of person you wish to be. You always have freedom of choice in any situation, which includes linguistic freedom of choice.

The Wandering Cartographer: Hmmm...Shabbat shalom, God.

On Power Animals

2010-07-21T21:12:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: I have two requests.

God: Oh?

The Wandering Cartographer: Kindly make me stupid and quit conversing with me.

God: What happened?

The Wandering Cartographer: Several people have apologized to me for not writing to me in what they apparently consider to be "upscale" language. I feel really bad about it.

God: Did you write with arrogance?

The Wandering Cartographer: Dammit, this is seriously the way I communicate.

God: You cursed?

The Wandering Cartographer: I do that to convince people that I am human. But then again, I know people who are offended by my cursing. You know what broke my heart?

God: What broke your heart?

The Wandering Cartographer: I used to play around on this Facebook application called "Fluff Friends" a lot. What I loved the most about it was the fact that you could do something called "Fluff Art" on it. You were given a selection of various objects, backgrounds and creatures and then the ability to arrange them into whatever you wanted with the option of writing a caption and word bubbles. There was a maximum as to how many objects you could play around with, I think it was forty. A lot of people resented the fact that you couldn't add as many objects as you wanted but I thrived on the challenge of arranging stuff. I had so much fun making infinity out of limitation. I used to submit my "Fluff Art" to the "Fluff Gallery" all the time. I did it to make people smile. I did it to make myself smile. Once I got enough practice out of it, people began to rate my art with pretty high ratings, it generally fluctuated around fours and fives. Five is the highest score you can get. Then one day a friend of mine told me that she did "Fluff Art" all morning. I was happy for her because "Fluff Art" always made me happy. Then she included in her statement, "some of us may not be that good at it, but we do it anyway" or a statement along those lines. It killed me because I couldn't figure out what it was about me that gave someone else the idea that they had to rationalize who they were to tell me a fact about their day. It never even crossed my mind that she wasn't good at "Fluff Art" till she brought it up. I felt so guilty about it that I started to kiss her ass saying, "totally" and whatever else I said to verbalize away my horror.

God: You could have been honest.

The Wandering Cartographer: I could have. But people don't seem to like that either.

God: You could use your judgment.

The Wandering Cartographer: That's too overwhelming. I might fuck up. I've fucked up too much in the past.

God: That's your opinion. If you don't "fuck up", you don't evolve.

The Wandering Cartographer: I hate it when people hate me.

God: So you'd rather forgo who you are for other people's comfort?

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes. Then I am not hurting anyone or myself.

God: No one can be harmed, including you. Instead of Cartographer, I am going to call you Atlas.

The Wandering Cartographer: Atlas? As in that Greek character who carried the globe?

God: The one who bore the weight of the world on his shoulders.

The Wandering Cartographer: A rabbi in school told me that when I was twelve years old. He said that I look like the weight of the world is on me.

God: I sent him to you. What's your favorite animal, Atlas?

The Wandering Cartographer: LOL. You were serious!

God: I asked you a question.

The Wandering Cartographer: Dogs. Wolves maybe. Birds.

God: You're lying to God?

The Wandering Cartographer: No, I am lying to anyone who knew me from childhood who happens to be reading this.

God: Favorite animal?

The Wandering Cartographer: Horses.

God: Ah yes. Horses.

The Wandering Cartographer: You promised me you'd never bring that up.

God: Now you're projecting. You told yourself you would never think about horses again.

The Wandering Cartographer: Everyone in school made fun of me constantly about horses. God, I loved horses so much.

God: I know you did. You would talk about them, imitate them, collect horse figurines which you played with for hours at a time, rode them, read about them, begged for chances to go to farms to merely touch them.

The Wandering Cartographer: We don't speak of horses any more, God.

God: Lest you be reminded of painful memories of the past?

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes. It will remind me of what I loser I am, what a loser I was in elementary school and the fact that I'll probably always be that uncool girl who loved horses too much.

God: You can't love something too much. That's not the way love works. What drink did you concoct this past week for your family?

The Wandering Cartographer: I made ginger flavored green tea.

God: What company made the green tea bags?

The Wandering Cartographer: Celestial Seasonings.

God: What did it happen to say on the bottom of the box?

The Wandering Cartographer: That snippet that I read while I was waiting for the fresh ginger to brew?

God: You know what I am talking about.

The Wandering Cartographer: It said that the lesson horses teach us is how to carry a load with grace. I think I messed up the quote.

God: You always think that. So what. You got the point?

The Wandering Cartographer: So you chose that power animal for me?

God: We chose it together. Ceasing to deny yourself so much might serve you well. Serving yourself will help you to serve others.

The Wandering Cartographer: Hmmm...maybe ignore my requests for now...ok?

God: Good night.

On Morals And Sentience

2010-07-21T14:10:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: Should I be nice to people all the time?

God: Define nice.

The Wandering Cartographer: Always get back to messages. Anticipate people's needs before they express them and act ahead. Invite people over? Initiate get-togethers? Go to people's parties.

God: That's probably exhausting.

The Wandering Cartographer: People hold themselves to obscene standards, you know?

God: Ah.

The Wandering Cartographer: Can I tell you the ultimate irony of religion for me?

God: What was it for you?

The Wandering Cartographer: I am a decent person. I know there are those out there who would disagree. But that's for another conversation.

God: There are always those who would disagree.

The Wandering Cartographer: Tell me about it. In Hebrew Day School we were taught how it was keeping mitzvot (commandments) that made us a good person. I drew the conclusion that if I didn't keep mitzvot I was a bad person. So then I figured, okay, I didn't keep the Sabbath perfectly, God is going to punish me. As long as God is going to punish me, I might as well be an ass too and get it all over with. It's like fear of judgment from God took away my natural capacity to feel when I was crossing the line.

God: I told you the truth about that in your latest favorite movie.

The Wandering Cartographer: K-PAX? Oh God, I love that movie. Excuse me one moment...

Pause...

God: Hey hey...you're typing with your baby boy.

The Wandering Cartographer: Mushy boy. He's conversing with us.

God: Yay, as you would say. Back to K-PAX though. What did Prot say to the psychiatrist in the film?

The Wandering Cartographer: He said, I forget the context, "Marc, every sentient being knows right from wrong". I think I messed up the quote a bit.

God: We got to the crux of the matter though.

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes. I believe this to be true. Now I need to go.

On Trust

2010-07-21T10:28:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: Oh my God!

God: Yes?

The Wandering Cartographer: This is exactly what I have been fighting about! What a validation.

God: The book you're reading?

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes, "The Road Less Traveled".

God: Validation can come from many ways.

The Wandering Cartographer: As can invalidation. My entire life has been a search for someone who agrees with me.

God: What's your latest conclusion?

The Wandering Cartographer: It's sometimes refreshing to find a book every now and then that says what I say. But at the same time I am exporting away my inner power.

God: Meaning?

The Wandering Cartographer: I have been saying for a very long time that the way children are handled in society today is lacking.

God: This is the Law of Attraction. You have attracted a book that says what you have felt. Do you suppose that to be a coincidence?

The Wandering Cartographer: For some reason, it's still easier for me to think of it as Divine encouragement from an external source. I had my theories about kids, they were rejected by most, and now I happen to have come across a book saying what I fought with others about.

God: Why?

The Wandering Cartographer: Because if another person comes across who doesn't agree with me I can say, "oh look, it's not really me, I'm just quoting a book".

God: The inner world versus the outer world.

The Wandering Cartographer: Enter quantum mechanics. Religion. One gigantic dodging of personal responsibility.

God: Why do you never own up to your choices?

The Wandering Cartographer: I get scared that I can be harmed.

God: What did I tell you last week, through your husband?

The Wandering Cartographer: No one can hurt me.

God: Correct.

The Wandering Cartographer: Outer experience tells me otherwise.

God: Then this is a trust issue. Who are you going to trust, outer experience or me?

The Wandering Cartographer: I'd like to say you.

God: Then say it.

The Wandering Cartographer: I trust God over what I believe to be outer experience.

God: What did you want to say about tone of voice?

The Wandering Cartographer: When I was a kid, I was revolted by the way adults spoke to children. Again, I don't wish to blame people who didn't know better.

God: No one is blaming anyone. Shift your terminology. See where it gets you.

The Wandering Cartographer: I find the tone of voice in which adults speak to children to be totally unproductive. This sing song instruction with explanations for basic things is nice on one hand and demeaning on the other. Adults talk to kids like they're in a classroom 24-7. It's incapacitating and makes children feel incapable. Do you adults suppose a child doesn't have a brain? You all have the same brain, the difference is simply a matter of how many "years" your brain versus your offspring's brain has been on Earth. Don't power trip when you're with your kids and others. It's offensive and yields dire results, namely children who think they're dependent on their elders. Really it's the older humans who need to demean children because they feel worthless on the inside.

God: Because of a perpetuating cycle?

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes! All I ever wanted was to make people aware of it before something disastrous happened.

God: That may be true. But don't be so quick to judge disaster, as Neale Donald Walsch would say. Perhaps those souls chose for that experience.

The Wandering Cartographer: Then I just sit by and watch?

God: Use your judgment.

The Wandering Cartographer: I thought judgment was bad.

God: It's neither.

The Wandering Cartographer: This sucks.

God: Or not.

The Wandering Cartographer: I want to rest now.

On Tish'ah Be'av

2010-07-20T10:09:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: God, what a blah day.

God: Blah day?

The Wandering Cartographer: You know, Tish'ah Be'av. (The 9th of Av, a fast day in Judaism commemorating the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem) I can feel everyone's pain and hunger. I'm depressed.

God: What are you depressed about?

The Wandering Cartographer: Everyone else's depression. Why don't you just give them back their temple and make Messiah come so everyone can be happy again.

God: Happy is such a subjective term, Cartographer.

The Wandering Cartographer: Then give them peace or I don't know, end anti-Semitism.

God: Why should I do that?

The Wandering Cartographer: Cause you're God, and you love us, therefore you should always give us precisely what we want.

God: Human-Divine relationships are business?

The Wandering Cartographer: It's only fair, we keep tons of rules for you, therefore you should be doing this back for us.

God: I respect you more than that. That's what you humans call, "using one another". In relative terms, that is not love.

The Wandering Cartographer: Then when will Messiah come?

God: When you decide. Waiting will keep you in a state of waiting.

The Wandering Cartographer: So Messiah hasn't come because we don't want him to?

God: You tell me. This is in your hands.

The Wandering Cartographer: That sucks.

God: Or is a beautiful compliment, I think more highly of you than you think of yourselves.

The Wandering Cartographer: You mean I have to get up off my tush and do something? Crap, I'd rather be miserable.

God: Then your misery serves you, and it will continually perpetuate itself.

The Wandering Cartographer: I'm just playing devil's advocate, to use a relative term.

God: Does this please you?

The Wandering Cartographer: No, from time to time, I like to suggest things to people to wake them up a bit.

God: Maybe they don't want to be woken up. You thinking they need that is a judgment. If they're happy being miserable, and many humans are, let them have their happiness.

The Wandering Cartographer: Fine. I'm going to go read to my son now. Maybe I should leave people with some message of hope?

God: Everything being in their hands isn't a message of hope? It's the ultimate promise.

On Idolatry and The Community

2010-07-19T08:54:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: Am I a bad, arrogant Jew?

God: What makes someone a bad, arrogant Jew?

The Wandering Cartographer: I don't know. The kind of person who has the chutzpah to take the law and religion into their own hands. The kind of person who assumes God is talking to them and then shares what they've learned with others in your name. The kind of person who has her own opinions instead of assuming what everyone else said was correct.

God: Using your mind makes you bad?

The Wandering Cartographer: If your opinion doesn't coincide with your general surroundings yes, it kind of does.

God: What if you switched surroundings?

The Wandering Cartographer: Then your new surroundings would like you, but your old ones would still sit around hating you and have pseudo-intellectual discussions mocking you on every available level.

God: That's what happens with religious sects.

The Wandering Cartographer: It's so ugly. There's always going to be one person who sits and hates the other person. Once I stood my ground and defended the State of Israel to a group of Jews nonetheless and they made me feel like I was a piece of shit for questioning why they refused to hang the Israeli flag.

God: They're entitled to their own opinions. Without them, yours would be meaningless.

The Wandering Cartographer: They still didn't have to run around ripping on me for having the confidence to stick by my own truths.

God: Maybe they were envious that you speak freely. Maybe it disgusted them. Perhaps if they had what you would call a "freak out" reaction to something as simple as a collection of threads in blue and white on the wall you could have a little mercy on them and on yourself.

The Wandering Cartographer: Mercy?

God: An entire mini human ecosystem experienced full scale anxiety about a flag and you tell children to chill out of they don't get a toy that they want?

The Wandering Cartographer: I was going to say that.

God: Yes, but you think that this conversation style is easier than typing essays so why not stick to it for a bit?

The Wandering Cartographer: Okay. Yes, I do think it's ironic. Adults are just big, hairy children. Or big bald ones. Laugh out loud.

God: That's not bad though. It is what it is. The other irony could be that you take this so seriously.

The Wandering Cartographer: What other choice do I have? They all take themselves so seriously. If you can't beat them, why not join them?

God: Why does this have to be about fighting or taking sides?

The Wandering Cartographer: I have no idea. I just feel that I am being judged for being who I am.

God: That is because you're judging yourself. What do you need from these people?

The Wandering Cartographer: Acceptance.

God: My love isn't good enough for you? You also need that from others?

The Wandering Cartographer: Of course, Judaism is a communal religion.

God: So the love of the community is more important than the love of God?

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes.

God: That's not idolatry? Worshipping human beings' preferences over mine?

The Wandering Cartographer: Hmmm...I'd think about that more, but my son is awake. Hasta luego...

On Emotions and Religion

2010-07-16T11:56:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: People are hijacking Judaism. It's disturbing and disgusting not to mention horrifically embarrassing for those who identify as Jews.

God: Who is hijacking Judaism?

The Wandering Cartographer: Someone sent me a "friend suggestion" on Facebook. So I clicked on the name of the person. That person's profile is set to public so I looked over his information. Then I looked at his blog, quite frankly the name was primitive and vulgar. I don't want to mention it because I don't want to embarrass him anymore than he has embarrassed himself. I looked at what he had written and he was saying how Jews are bound to laws whether we like it or not and if we don't keep them we're going to go to hell.

God: Do you believe you're going to hell?

The Wandering Cartographer: I don't believe that Hell exists. Any Jew who bothered to research their own religion down through history would know that Judaism was never a proponent of the concept of hell. If anything there was "Sheol" some dark, muttery place where people who passed away lived out eternity. Before the point in history where Sheol was mentioned there isn't much of an in depth discussion of any form of afterlife. When I went to school, my teachers mocked the ancient Egyptians for being a society that was founded on "death worship". Those loser ancient Egyptians spent their entire lives stockpiling goods to be buried with in the afterlife whereas our religion was superior because we were all about the "here and now", otherwise known as "life". That was a total crock of bull observation because after we discussed the falsities of ancient Egypt we went on to learn how God was going to judge us for sinning and punish us after we died (where this absurd blogger got his idea) and we should behave well in this life lest we get punished later on. That's not death worship? Living your entire life defensively for a judgment that may or may not happen? This is religion?

God: Is this religion?

The Wandering Cartographer: Excuse me while I ignore your question, because I already know how people from my community will answer my statement by saying I am "arrogant and ill informed, there are Rabbis higher than me who know answers to my questions, there are people who know a lot more kabbalah than I do who can probably answer without flinching". I'd like to find out who those people are then and why they don't provide adequate answers. Why is kabbalah only for some people where the rest of the population must be kept as an ignorant mass and anyone who does have the chutzpah to ask questions won't be met with statements such as, "there are those out there who know more than you, know your place". The only conclusion I can draw about those knowledgeable people out there is that they power trip thriving on their own body of knowledge and have no intention of empowering others. If Torah was actually given to every Jew at Sinai, why are some considered authorities and others are kept in the dark?

God: That person, who wrote a blog about how everyone who doesn't keep Torah is going to hell, did it out of highest intentions. He believes that you're going to be mightily punished for your lifestyle. Because he believes this, that is the case, as the power of the mind is a most awesome power. Therefore bless him. He did this to save you, which is an act of love, no matter how distorted you perceive it to be.

The Wandering Cartographer: You're not going to agree with me that his view is distorted?

God: Why would you need my verification? You've already decided, therefore it is.

The Wandering Cartographer: I actually don't know how much I agree with my own opinion anymore. I realized something while I was showering this week.

God: What did you realize?

The Wandering Cartographer: I told someone, excuse me, that's a lie, I yelled at someone that their racism is revolting and disgusts me. I thought I was so morally superior for hating people who hate other groups of people. Then I played around with the logic of that. Hating racists makes me a racist against racists. Which is, when you think about it, simply another form of racism which is something I claim to detest. If I was really so accepting, I'd accept everyone, regardless of any beliefs they may have.

God: I put you into a world of judgment to exercise your capacity to judge. You chose that for yourself.

The Wandering Cartographer: That's reassuring. The other day I was wondering why the heck I am on this planet. Very often, it's revolting.

God: That depends on your frame of consciousness at any given moment. You told me that. Do you recall said that it was ironic how the Holocaust, one of the ugliest events you have researched in depth brought out the highest levels of loving beauty in humanity?

The Wandering Cartographer: and the filthiest.

God: Neale Donald Walsch quoted me as having said, "we see ugliness where we are afraid to see beauty".

The Wandering Cartographer: Oh, perspective.

God: Indeed.

The Wandering Cartographer: I was so mad at that man today.

God: The one who said that your art wasn't Jewish themed and that the art he gets is made by Israelis? What in my name is so offensive about that?

The Wandering Cartographer: He made me feel like I wasn't a Jew.

God: You made yourself feel that you weren't a Jew. He sells art of a certain theme. What do you want from him?

The Wandering Cartographer: Ha. Sometimes when I take myself too seriously, I find it to be hilarious.

God: That's the way it should be. Why do you think the second Jewish patriarch, Isaac, has a name that comes from the Hebrew root word for laughter? To remind you not to be so serious all the time. Lighten up.

The Wandering Cartographer: Ivdoo Et Hashem B'simcha. (worship God with happiness/joy)

God: Shabbat Shalom, Cartographer.

The Wandering Cartographer: Random Theories

2010-07-14T20:10:00.000-07:00

The following is dedicated to Leeza for no other reason than to say, "thank you for being you", that and because we both like psychology.

The Wandering Cartographer: Random theory.

God: Shoot.

The Wandering Cartographer: I think I discovered the psychological reason behind why many people can't sleep without a blanket or a sheet on them, even when it's really hot outside.

God: What would that be?

The Wandering Cartographer: I think being covered by something lulls human beings back to their fetal days, when they were in their mothers' uteri. I think it helps them to feel safe and secure.

God: Possibly.

The Wandering Cartographer: It reminds them what love and mercy are. Isn't it brilliant that the Hebrew word for "mercy", "rachamim" is related to the Hebrew word for "uterus" which is called a "rechem"?

God: Hebrew contains much brilliance.

The Wandering Cartographer: Etymology has always been an interest of mine.

God: Have fun with it.

The Wandering Cartographer: I am having fun with my blog again. I was ready to delete everything I had written if it weren't for a little reminder from Leeza.

God: Leeza is a very kind person.

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes, she is. I admire her. It's inspiring. I want her to know that.

God: She will find out.

The Wandering Cartographer: Thank you. I must sleep now. Laila tov.

Forgiveness

2010-07-12T21:46:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: Someone told me today that I wrestle with ghosts of the past.

God: I have observed that. It was through him that I told you.

The Wandering Cartographer: Why do I do that? Try to discuss and rationalize the past so much?

God: Because you believe it to be a way to control the future.

The Wandering Cartographer: I still want to control things that much?

God: Apparently.

The Wandering Cartographer: I see that fighting the past continues to create the same situation I resist.

God: Indeed.

The Wandering Cartographer: Literally. In deed. As you said in the most recent movie my husband and I watched, "thoughts are things". What was the name of that movie? I am so tired, I don't even remember.

God: Ask him.

The Wandering Cartographer: Nevermind, I don't have the energy to call across the apartment, I checked the queue on Netflix, it was called, "Wonderful World".

God: Yes.

The Wandering Cartographer: I remember something a Rabbi in high school once told me and now for some reason when I think about it, I feel like crying.

God: What did he say?

The Wandering Cartographer: He said that if person A hurt person B's feelings and person B died before person A was able to ask for forgiveness person A could go to person B's grave with a minyan (group of ten men above age 13), ask to be forgiven and then it's considered as though person A is pardoned. When I first heard that I was thinking, "wow, how is that possible, what if person B didn't want to forgive person A? What chutzpah it is to speak in someone else's name!"

God: Do you have a new perspective on that memory these days?

The Wandering Cartographer: Maybe it was illustrating that at the end, everyone always forgives everyone else. On Earth, it may seem ludicrous at the beginning, seemingly instantaneous forgiveness. We all believe that we can be harmed. Perhaps after we die, we see how fleeting it all was and resentment melts away. Judaism resonates with massive themes of forgiveness intertwined in its ancient beauty. The only problem for me is that constant mention of forgiveness implies that someone sinned.

God: There is no word "sin" in Hebrew.

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes. That's what another Rabbi told me in a shiur (lesson). He said the word commonly mistranslated as "sin" actually means to "miss" as in "missing a target".

God: You can't go wrong because of the inherent perfection I cultivated in Eden. Your only "sin" is not recognizing it. You can always refocus.

The Wandering Cartographer: Forgiveness.

God: Yes. Forgiveness is letting go. It's not saying that what someone did is "right", because in Ultimate Reality, there is no "right" or "wrong", it's a "letting go", a decision to recreate your present.

The Wandering Cartographer: I like that. Good night, God.

My Tone

2010-07-10T09:52:00.000-07:00

God: Okay. I see your frustration here. I want to shed some light and guide you.

The Wandering Cartographer: This is going to embarrassing, I know it.

God: What's one of your favorite quotes from Neale Donald Walsch's book, "Conversations With God"?

The Wandering Cartographer: I don't remember it verbatim, "embarrassment is the response of a person who still has an ego invested in how others see him (or her). Invite yourself to move past that, try a new response, try laughter".

God: You're funny. You always tell everyone, including me, that you don't remember anything, and yet you can verbally vomit up scores of written works. But let's save that for another chat.

The Wandering Cartographer: God, honesty is difficult. It's overwhelming. People are going to know that I make mistakes. Look what they do to politicians. Look what I have done and said about politicians. I used to shred people apart when I would talk about them behind their backs. When I was a teenager, I spoke a lot of Lashon Hara. (Lashon Hara = literally meaning bad tongue, but the term includes a plethora of verbal offenses as well as body language demonstrated while saying something seemingly innocuous about someone). Maybe in certain communities, they'll excommunicate me or something.

God: I've been told that by many people. Release the fear of others judging you and they won't. If you still feel that you can't get rid of the fear of others knowing what you think are vulnerabilities, settle for the fact that the chances are, if you're scared of something, there are many others scared of the same thing, you people aren't as different from one another as you think.

The Wandering Cartographer: Yeah. I've heard many people who are nervous about public speaking say to help themselves they imagine everyone in the audience naked. If I did that though, I'd probably crack up in front of everyone.

God: Tons of people laughing together is a bad thing?

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes of course. We all have to be serious adults.

God: Now that is funny.

The Wandering Cartographer: We were analyzing me. Let's get it over with.

God: By the end of this chat, you may not even want to get it over with. I predict you're going to be proud of yourself for admitting what you think are flaws. Can I remind you that your Facebook status a couple of months ago said just that, "The Wandering Cartographer never realized how admitting to personal vulnerabilities was so empowering".

The Wandering Cartographer: I guess it's time to catch up with myself.

God: About your previous blog entries, those chats we had between the two of us, they may very well end up pissing people off. Whereas I have no issue discussing all of your observations with you, most people will shut down emotionally, spiritually and psychologically when reading that because they have fears which I do not have.

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes, I know. I've noticed that by myself in my social interactions. The two things that drive people nuts are time sensitive and money sensitive topics. I also fear time and money every now and then.

God: It's also tone. You get angry about things. Anger is innocuous on one level, but it also scares people.

The Wandering Cartographer: People don't react unless they're scared.

God: Ironically, that's a very Jewish man prophet mentality from later on in the evolution of Judaism. You can temporarily freak people out to get them to do what you think is correct, but it will never last. Jews are very honest about themselves in their own scriptures with regards to that. Call them what you may, they're good on a national level about admitting to what they believe to be errors. I have yet to observe that in other religions.

The Wandering Cartographer: Yeah, but then people rip on Jews.

God: So you see the cycle in others but not in yourself, that's a start. Are you understanding how powerful consciousness is?

The Wandering Cartographer: Scarey.

God: Your frame of mind when you share your ideas is occasionally from a state of fear as opposed to love.

The Wandering Cartographer: I thought fear and love are the same thing on the highest level.

God: They are. But one is a much slower, less effective mode of transmission than the other. If you've learned anything from history, world history and your personal history, you will find this to be true. Your observations of what goes on with children today is accurate on the basis that you observed it. However, what in your opinion is the crux of the issue at hand?

The Wandering Cartographer: People are afraid that there isn't enough time or money, which is in a convoluted way a demonstration of love. They want the best for their kids but they think there isn't enough of that perfection to go around for everyone. So they go nuts trying to provide for their kids and inadvertently create the same situation over and over because of their states of consciousness.

God: Like attracts like.

The Wandering Cartographer: I like your verbal style, God.

God: Why not show people that time and money aren't finite concepts?

The Wandering Cartographer: They'll laugh and call me some hippie, liberal, dreamer / insert strange title here.

God: Of course they will.

The Wandering Cartographer: That's not very nice, God.

God: That was actually a very high compliment. It illustrates once again the power of your mind. They'll call you that because you think they will. Why not think that people want unlimited time and money? Give everyone some credit here.

The Wandering Cartographer: Kind of like the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve had an intrinsic understanding that everything in its natural, Godlike state is abundant. Time in abundance, or infinity, is actually no time at all, on a philosophical level. The only time they ever began to fear was when they ate from the fruit that God told them not to eat from. Enter "judgment", which begets fear, fear that there isn't enough of everything.

God: When you release judgment, abundance follows.

The Wandering Cartographer: This is true. But then again, people told me that the apartment my husband and I lived in was garbage.

God: Thankfully, not everyone desires the same things in life. Abundance is different things to different people, this is where the beauty of personal perspective is most manifest. To some, your apartment looked like a hole in the wall. To you and your husband, it was a place of endless love, good memories, good food, great times with your dog, great times with your landlord, and neighbors. If you stayed at home for another six hours when you were in labor, you son would have been born there too.

The Wandering Cartographer: Indeed. That aside though, everyone used to complain about our landlord. I did too, from time to time, but I love him anyways. I miss him sometimes.

God: I am sure he misses you too. Missing is not a bad thing.

The Wandering Cartographer: I'm going to go make breakfast for everyone now.

God: Breakfast? How about lunch?

The Wandering Cartographer: Breakfast for lunch.

God: Ha.

On Sacrificial Offerings

2010-07-09T13:03:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: I would like you to know, if and when "Messiah" comes, I will NEVER kill doves and/or pigeon like birds for you, or have some high priest do it in my name.

God: Who asked you to kill birds for me?

The Wandering Cartographer: My teachers in school. They always told me how I should just wait till the Temple in Jerusalem is rebuilt. Then we'll be able to make sacrifices to you, birds, cows, sheep, chickens, rams kosher split hoof creature thingies. It disgusted me. Then I thought to myself what an atrocious Jew I must be, I don't want to slit the throats of animals that have shown me only gentle, loving kindness. I love animals. I am becoming a vegetarian again. I see no need to eat them and I'll be damned if someone tells me spirituality is killing creatures. If you're so amazing, and desperately need those doves, kill them yourself, God.

God: Just because someone else said I want something doesn't mean I do. I told you I am without needs. The danger is when people project needs onto me.

The Wandering Cartographer: So I don't have to kill cute things for you to love me?

God: You don't have to kill ANYTHING for my love. I thought that was aptly demonstrated in the binding of Isaac.

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes, but then right after you told Abraham not to kill his son for you, you sent some animal to be sent up to you in place of him.

God: That is how humans have interpreted this all. Maybe on another level I wanted to illustrate that there is no such thing as death?

The Wandering Cartographer: Even if that is the case, I wish to be a vegetarian. I think it's very nice that people in my community who eat meat channel your name into the act by making a blessing before consuming animals, but I don't choose this lifestyle anymore.

God: Okay.

A Broken Whole

2010-07-06T14:46:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: I don't see the point of talking about the past anymore.

God: There is no point. I've told you so many times that all there is is the present moment, which is infinite.

The Wandering Cartographer: The options are overwhelming.

God: Of course, you think one or the other was all I could provide you with?

The Wandering Cartographer: Actually, the more I experience, I'd tend to agree with you. I have to confess, it's so tempting to analyze people. It's so tempting to analyze myself.

God: Pure honest analysis of yourself or analysis of yourself under the guise of analyzing others will always produce the same results.

The Wandering Cartographer: A world of analysis?

God: Yes.

The Wandering Cartographer: Is that good or bad?

God: Must you always categorize?

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes. I need to label everything. Give me a tree with fruit to eat from, ease me from my pain.

God: Pain?

The Wandering Cartographer: The pain of knowing that there is nothing to feel wretched about. Contentedness is so challenging.

God: Only because of your fear of judgment. You're scared people will hate you for being pleased with your life.

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes. You told me that through several people. Oh, not having someone to blame is the worst feeling ever.

God: Why would you want someone to blame?

The Wandering Cartographer: Oh, I don't know. Organizational purposes perhaps. My life would be so much smoother if every time something went wrong I could say, "crap, the food was spoiled, that's the damn supermarket's fault" or "the toilet is dirty, my family members' are jerks for not helping around the house" or, I don't know use your imagination.

God: Blaming others is a way of disconnecting from your power.

The Wandering Cartographer: But it's so delicious. I love being mad at people.

God: You may have at one point. Now, I observe that you don't enjoy hating others. You even physically feel gross when you think you've been too hard on someone.

The Wandering Cartographer: That's bad. I know it. It's a weakness, this sensitivity.

God: Sensitivity is a weakness?

The Wandering Cartographer: I like playing devil's advocate sometimes.

God: Why don't you try playing God's advocate for a bit. Retitling a mundane idea can go far you know.

The Wandering Cartographer: There is nothing new under the sun, is there?

God: Under the sun? Have you looked over the sun recently?

The Wandering Cartographer: You stole my next question.

God: We came up with it together.

The Wandering Cartographer: I remember a quote I saw from Rabbi Nachman of Breslov that turned my thinking around.

God: What was the quote?

The Wandering Cartographer: He said that if it's possible to break something, it was possible to repair it. I agree with him. It's so amazing, it's like, through breaking, you're whole again.

God: I think you'll come to find a lot of wisdom in Judaism.

The Wandering Cartographer: I agree with you. I am just wholly irritated by people who made it something else.

God: Everyone has the freedom to do with anything what they wish. It's entirely congruent with the fact that I gave you a brain to think things over and choose what you believe to be evolution versus moral stagnation. I like to see my people grow.

The Wandering Cartographer: Am I one of your people?

God: Everyone who has ever walked Earth or another planet has been one of my "people". I refer to them as "beings", one faction of myself or another evolving in glorious divine harmony.

The Wandering Cartographer: Hmmm...

God: Indeed.

The Wandering Cartographer: I am excited to see my husband.

God: I am excited for you. I am looking at him right now. He looks great.

The Wandering Cartographer: Thank you, God.

Becoming Closer

2010-07-01T09:56:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: You know what I was remembering the other day?

God: What?

The Wandering Cartographer: How they taught us in school that in temple days the place where people made offerings for "gratitude" was the same place people would make offerings to ask you for "forgiveness". The teachers said how it showed that you were such a sensitive God, you knew that people would never come beg you to forgive them for all the heinous things they've committed if other people would know what their sins were so you made a beautiful arrangement of covering up for them to get them to mend their ways.

God: Everyone has his or her own explanation. What's yours?

The Wandering Cartographer: Perhaps everything is not so black and white. I know everyone loves it when it is. Sometimes I do too. But then we wouldn't have expressions like, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions". When did everything become so cliche? Maybe that arrangement in the Temple in Jerusalem was to show that there is no wrong and is no right. Everything is subjective.

Honesty

2010-06-29T07:45:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: I think my son's pediatrician thinks I am weird.

God: Do you think you're weird?

The Wandering Cartographer: He asked me to tell him about my son. That's such a loaded question. The honest truth is, I spend every day with him and frankly, I have no clue who he is. I always ask him where he came from. Isn't it weird how you can share a body with a total stranger? I could describe his physical characteristics, what he likes, what he dislikes, how often he cries, how many hours he sleeps, how many diapers we change, and perhaps how many times a week we take a bath but it's always changing.

God: Thank God.

The Wandering Cartographer: Seriously. I could have said exactly that but I thought that he would think I was weird.

God: Yet you didn't say that, and you still think he thinks you're weird.

The Wandering Cartographer: I've created this all. Ha. Oh honesty. Thank you God, for letting me be open with you.

God: ;o)

Alone In The Universe

2010-06-28T19:13:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: We had a good chat today, the two of us, while I was speed walking.

God: It wasn't only when you were speed walking you know. You happened to tune into me with higher clarity at that point.

The Wandering Cartographer: I was also listening to Eminem. A lot of people hate him. They hate him because he tells it like it is. He makes everyone terribly uncomfortable.

God: He tells it like it is for him.

The Wandering Cartographer: A lot of his perceptions are actually fairly accurate.

God: In your opinion. That's the beauty of art and writing, is it not? It creates a whirl of freedom for all involved. One person exposes their raw experience in the most creative way they know and thus it is shared with the world as a glorious perceptual exercise.

The Wandering Cartographer: Honesty can be so uncomfortable. So many people shred me to bits. If I don't keep up with someone to the max, they snap at me. If I don't live my life precisely the way someone else believes I should, they talk about me behind my back and think that I am unaware of it. Just because I am consistently polite, or at the very least, don't instantly question their crap, doesn't mean I am unable to perceive what others think of me.

God: They're entitled to think whatever they wish about you. The ultimate power is still in your hands. You get to choose who you want to be relative to anything you choose to experience.

The Wandering Cartographer: I thought people reflect on their lives after they die.

God: You die and are reborn constantly. If you wish you reflect on your life thus far, do it.

The Wandering Cartographer: Will constantly thinking about the past get me anywhere?

God: What do you choose?

The Wandering Cartographer: It may get me somewhere. It may not. When I lived overseas, come to think of it, saying I lived "overseas" is absurd. Every location on Earth makes every other location "overseas" by proxy. God bless relativity.

God: Thank you.

The Wandering Cartographer: Feh. I'm majorly annoyed by what certain people put me through. I am having a hard time letting go.

God: Because you had expectations of those people.

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes I did. How foolish. I am the sucker at the end.

God: That is your judgment.

The Wandering Cartographer: So many people didn't even try to get to know me yet expected the impossible from me.

God: Then that was their expectation.

The Wandering Cartographer: I really want to please everyone, it's too much. Many people talk at me. There are people who play a huge role in my life who have yet to show any real interest in me, without going through a third party to find out what I am up to. What are you going to say to that, "everyone talks at everyone"?

God: I could say that. I know you wanted to say something else though.

The Wandering Cartographer: Every time people say something to me and I try to help them out and it's not to their satisfaction, they explode on me. I am tired of being exploded on. I have taken massive amounts of poop from massive amounts of people. Yes I know that there are many out there who were delightful to me. Sometimes though, people treated me in ways that is actually kind of unfair, and yes I know "fair" is such a relative term. How much longer do I keep getting burned? I love people but sometimes this is totally absurd.

God: You thrive on absurdity. I created it for you. When did you stop laughing?

The Wandering Cartographer: Around the time that it got super duper painful. I would like to explicitly announce that I am tired of being pooped on. I know people don't wake up in the morning saying, "how can I poop on The Wandering Cartographer today?" but it's still a byproduct from time to time.

God: You're alone in the Universe. The illusion of others around you is gift from me to you.

The Wandering Cartographer: That's such a liberating notion. Language and talking to everyone can be so heavy and limiting.

God: It can. That's why you love art so much.

The Wandering Cartographer: Indeed. I've been working a lot on my art.

God: I can see that. I am proud of you. Remember what you told me on your speed walk? You said that you felt that if people need you, they know how to contact you. Otherwise perhaps the best friend you can be to them is to be out of their lives. How to execute that to your satisfaction though is your judgment call.

The Wandering Cartographer: Judgment? Isn't that a bad thing?

God: Nothing is bad. Nothing is good. Everything is. Simply.

The Wandering Cartographer: Thank you. God, you're so poetic. See you in the living room. Or not, my son just woke up. God bless him

God: I always do. ;o)

Health

2010-06-20T08:16:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: People are sitting and analyzing me.

God: Because you're analyzing yourself.

The Wandering Cartographer: I know someone wrote a blog entry about me.

God: You wrote a blog entry about me. Billions write, think and analyze me every day.

The Wandering Cartographer: I didn't read what that person wrote, nor do I plan on finding out.

God: Okay.

The Wandering Cartographer: I have eliminated the option for people to comment on my blog.

God: Okay. Why do you always wish to rationalize? This blog is about you. It is okay for something to be only about you. Many sentient beings in the Universe and beyond feel that I owe them. I am the target of infinite rage. That is okay. The only one you owe anything to is yourself.

The Wandering Cartographer: Many would disagree with you.

God: Let them.

The Wandering Cartographer: But people like Moses were there for everyone who needed them all the time.

God: Some people may think that. Others may think, wow, Moses disappeared on the Jews for several weeks to learn Torah with me alone, above a mountain. Maybe he also wanted some quiet reflection time?

The Wandering Cartographer: I know that people assume because I am a dreamer and talk about love and other pretty things that therefore I should be their friend. I think that many people assume that a friendship is giving things, commenting, responding, agreeing, listening and supporting. I could do that with many many people. Many people think that I owe them because they listened to me here or there. I don't like going on the computer much. Giving into demands exhausts me. Someone once told my husband that she was my emotional support while he was at work and that my behavior was unacceptable because she had done so much for me.

God: Life isn't a business.

The Wandering Cartographer: I don't believe in being friends with someone purely because I feel that I can provide something to them. It will never end that way. I can write checks endlessly, I can write emails endlessly, I can comment on Facebook endlessly. I have my own life that's calling me. I can be the world's pen pal if I sat in front of the computer 24-7. I'd like to be my own pen pal now. It bothers me that I am being judged for being true to myself.

God: That will end when you cease to judge yourself.

The Wandering Cartographer: You know what's interesting? I was just reading in a book by Stephen and Ondrea Levine called "Embracing the Beloved" a description of wolves. When one wolf no longer wishes to interact with another it looks like one is dominant and one is submissive because one "bites" the other's neck. To us humans, writhing with judgment, it appears as an act of violence. In truth, it is a mutual recognition that a relationship is perhaps not serving one or the other. It is a lupine goodbye ceremony. Human beings are some of the few who don't know when to stop verbally harming each other. They don't know when to draw the line. I don't wish to analyze others anymore. I used to do that and I am no longer interested. I am tired of talking about other people. I am tired of "liking" on Facebook. I wish the best for all sentient beings, including myself. The time has come for me to be self-centered. Every time I focused on the outer world, instead of me, I ended up hurting people inadvertently, and also ended up hurting myself terribly. I am in the process of healing. Thank you God, for my health.

Embracing the Beloved: Relationship as a Path of Awakening

On the Evolution of Pain

2010-06-17T13:09:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: Ouch.

God: What ouch? Ouch because you said ouch.

The Wandering Cartographer: I sincerely don't understand what people want from me.

God: You sincerely don't understand what you want from yourself.

The Wandering Cartographer: I don't get it. I thought I learned something from my bridal shower but I guess not.

God: There is nothing to get except that being true to yourself always yields the most fruitful results.

The Wandering Cartographer: I am mulling. People got mad at me for not calling them in the past.

God: You didn't want to pick up the phone when they called because you were in pain and you wanted to focus on yourself.

The Wandering Cartographer: So they got mad at me and told me they didn't want to participate in my party.

God: Okay. I was at your party. As were many others. They were there because they loved you and wanted to be there.

The Wandering Cartographer: There were people who said they wanted to be there but couldn't because of various reasons.

God: Then it wasn't important to them.

The Wandering Cartographer: How do I "right" this through rationalizations? I like to rationalize everything.

God: Many people do. It's a never ending task. More often than not, you're entertained by over rationalizing to the point which you label it as absurdity. It's only healthy if you're enjoying it.

The Wandering Cartographer: I don't know if I am enjoying this because I am pissed at myself.

God: Why are you pissed at yourself?

The Wandering Cartographer: So much of my life is still reactive prevention as opposed to creative "choicing". There should be an English word "choicing".

God: That's an observation. You are not your observation.

The Wandering Cartographer: In the past when people yelled at me for not picking up the phone when they called I was devastated. I thought that the fact that they didn't come to my bridal shower was some sort of Divine lesson to remember to call people. So then I always called everyone who never called me to see how they were doing cause I thought that's what they wanted. Then they never called back and I thought, "hypocrites!"

God: They were hypocrites. So are you sometimes. You invoked the word hypocrite because you wish to insult them for insulting you. Hypocrite is an innocuous term.

The Wandering Cartographer: It indicates inconsistency. I delight in consistency.

God: Yes you do. Sometimes because you just enjoy order, other times it's out of fear and your way of soothing fears is attempting to control stuff. Everything is consistently inconsistent.

The Wandering Cartographer: A paradox! Yippie! I am my own paradox. Relinquishing control is the highest control.

God: Until you discover something else. I sent you a dream about that last night.

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes, I did have an interesting dream. I had a dream that I discovered a whole new wing of our apartment that I had no idea existed and I was really surprised in my sleep. Is that a metaphor?

God: Yes.

The Wandering Cartographer: Is that a promise?

God: Yes.

The Wandering Cartographer: Or maybe it's a subconscious psychological processing of the fact that we used to live in a much smaller apartment and it's this neurological exercise which happened to occur during my sleep.

God: It's everything you just suggested.

The Wandering Cartographer: I enjoy multidimensional perspectives.

God: Wait till you see what goes beyond dimensions. I suspect you will remember to love it.

The Wandering Cartographer: What is love? Is it giving away stuff to people? Is it telling them your honest observation? Is it reading their mind? Is it anticipating what they want and giving it to them? Is it calling them? Is it writing to them? Every time someone told me that I didn't get their pain, that I didn't call them and then I feel guilty so I try to figure it out, they tell me they don't want that either. Once someone told me I didn't know what love was and I was ready to leave planet Earth. Other people tell me I am arrogant so what do they want me to do, sit in a room and not come out or be myself?

God: Yes there are people who would be content with you not being part of their life. Instead of being honest enough to tell you they've had enough of you they will blame you for their pain. Pain isn't a positive or a negative. It's simply pure experience. Your brain makes it uncomfortable.

The Wandering Cartographer: Am I sabotaging myself?

God: I've been told that evolution feels like sabotage sometimes. You've mentioned that on many occasions. Then again, you told me once, during a speed walk in Israel at night that if you take the first four letters of the word "evolution" you get the word "love" spelled backwards.

The Wandering Cartographer: You told me that.

God: Perhaps we told each other. I am learning what love is every moment. With all of you. What appears to be asinine, sabotage, hatred, anger, arrogance, verbosity to one person can appear to another as something entirely different. May I offer you a possible perspective on your written conversations with me?

The Wandering Cartographer: What?

God: I see significant development of self- patience.

The Wandering Cartographer: Self patience?

God: You let yourself talk to yourself.

The Wandering Cartographer: And you.

God: Yes and me. In the past however you used to tell yourself every time you thought a thought you felt was "wrong" to shut up. Sometimes to ignore honest, basic questions you ate food, smoked cigarettes, dated people who weren't very kind, locked yourself in your room for hours, silently repeated to yourself what an idiot you were for opening up. Now you let yourself breathe. You let others breathe. How many people who read your blog know that what you could have theoretically typed in half an hour has taken over three hours because your son was crying?

The Wandering Cartographer: Maybe the people who read what I write already know that.

God: Maybe.

The Wandering Cartographer: Then why am I writing?

God: Because you like to. You like to share your pain with people because you feel that it may be of service to them. More people than you assume will appreciate your honesty about pain.

The Wandering Cartographer: In the past, when I talked about my pain people said I didn't know how to keep my mouth shut, or that I broadcast too much information, or that I was intense, or that I was scaring them.

God: You were scaring them. You were scared yourself. If any of them treated themselves the way you used to treat yourself they were in dire pain themselves and perhaps didn't know any other way to react. In reality, people can be far more merciful than you think, thinking being the operative word, because thinking can be very hard on the mind.

The Wandering Cartographer: Ha. Do you remember that time someone told my husband not to marry me because there was a chance that I was a serial killer?

God: What did your husband tell them?

The Wandering Cartographer: He said he would love me even if I was a serial killer.

God: Then what happened?

The Wandering Cartographer: He went to read the book "Conversations With God" and the part that he opened up to was a snippet of the chapter where Neale Donald Walsch asked God if God would still love him if he was a murderer. I guess there are those who would think I was a murderer though, if you think about ants, blades of grass, cows, chickens, vegetables and anything else I have destroyed in the past.

God: Nature isn't judgmental. That's how it adapts so smoothly and gracefully. You told me that you felt that recently. You told me through a chat you had with your dad. You told him you observed that nature was a giant ballroom full of conscious surrender. You find it to be beautiful.

The Wandering Cartographer: I like talking with my dad. He lets people talk.

God: Your father is a gracious person.

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes. I love my father. I love my mother too. I wish I loved myself.

God: You will. This is your chosen method of guiding yourself through your pain. I observe that whereas you're uncomfortable, you're not suffering anymore.

The Wandering Cartographer: I am not. I am going to go chop vegetables.

God: See you there.

Consecrating the Mundane

2010-06-16T04:19:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: 6:15 AM. My son woke up screaming. He's sleeping now. My husband still has time until he has to wake up...

God: And you still desire to rationalize. We were having a good chat, you and I, after your son went back to sleep.

The Wandering Cartographer: I told you that I feel really uncomfortable with this dialogue. That even though sometimes I think I have something original to say I think that I am a copy cat of Neale Donald Walsch and his book "Conversations With God".

God: Even after that movie I sent you last nigh to watch via Netflix?

The Wandering Cartographer: "Defending Your Life"? That was an AMAZING movie.

God: It just happened to be in the queue?

The Wandering Cartographer: I would highly recommend it to anyone. I loved it. It took me a few minutes to get into it though because I was so full of judgment.

God: I am glad you "trusted the process", as your husband would say.

The Wandering Cartographer: Maybe I am ready to do that again with something else.

God: Maybe you are.

The Wandering Cartographer: I still think I am copying him though, and I don't deserve to write this, particularly since he sort of pioneered this style of getting out emotions and ideas.

God: You mean by physically writing out a conversation?

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes.

God: You mean before the early 1990s the world had never heard of plays? Theater? The perspective that the "world is a stage"?

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes.

God: You are incredibly naive, and I love it.

The Wandering Cartographer: Naive? That's a bad thing.

God: In your current mind, it is. It doesn't have to be though. The people who called you naive in the past weren't always saying it to make you feel bad about yourself. Some of them said it to encourage you to "get over yourself" as Miranda in Sex and The City said. You loved hearing it from her, I know you replayed that HBO produced conversation many times in your mind. You have your own way of weaving stuff together, do it already.

The Wandering Cartographer: I feel guilty criticizing Neale Donald Walsch because his book changed my life so much that it's wrong to cast him in a negative light.

God: You underestimate yourself and have thus created Neale Donald Walsch in your own image. Neale Donald Walsch gave you back to yourself. He explicitly expressed that those are his intentions and that is a beautiful thing. The irony in everything here was at the time that you brought yourself to Neale's book you were nearly identical to him in the state he was in when he first began writing. You were enraged, filled with judgment, resentment and resistance. It was going to take a man raised in what you would call, "a masculine, dogmatic, semi monotheistic, pissed to the max religious mind set" to break you in. It was he guided you to restore yourself to your "more natural, occasionally feminine, intuitive, Jewish essence" which you said you chose for this current lifetime.

The Wandering Cartographer: I would phrase it almost as like a mind rape that resulted in a blissful mental virginity. I love irony and paradoxes.

God: I know you do. I hear you thinking them up all the time as you're taking care of other stuff.

The Wandering Cartographer: But they're complex. I thought you love simplicity.

God: Neale Donald Walsch reminded you that simplicity can be the highest complexity. Remember how happy it made you to play around with that?

The Wandering Cartographer: Perhaps if I had said to all the people who said I was a show off, "Hi my name is The Wandering Cartographer and I love playing around with language" they would have liked me.

God: They may have, they may always hate you. It depends on you.

The Wandering Cartographer: When someone doesn't want to be my friend, it kills me.

God: You also allow it to kill you when you're no longer interested in being someone's friend.

The Wandering Cartographer: Guilt. Story of my life.

God: You're done so soon? Your legacy is guilt? I'd beg to differ with you. What did you really come here to write about?

The Wandering Cartographer: I came here to say that I disagree with something Neale Donald Walsch wrote in his book, "What God Wants". I had once planned on writing him a letter about it but never did because I felt I didn't deserve to challenge his opinion that he said in your name. I wish to refute it, via a conversation with you.

God: I see that you're more at peace with Judaism.

The Wandering Cartographer: Yea. Jews have this really nice thing they do. It's called a "bracha" in Hebrew, which is translated commonly to English as the word "blessing" but really it's connected to the word "channeling", as in drawing down Divine energies into whatever one happens to be doing be it eating carrots or upon finishing going to the bathroom.

God: This isn't new that you appreciate that aspect of practiced Judaism. Over a year ago you wrote a beautiful essay, writhing with self judgment and personal pain which you entitled, "Consecrating the Mundane". Do you remember?

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes. I did try to infuse it with those energies as well.

God: And you deleted that essay because you felt you weren't worthy.

The Wandering Cartographer: There were always people in my life hammering that idea into my head, even those who said they were my friends.

God: On a dualistic, superficial level, I'd agree with you. You're a very perceptive person. Occasionally, on misguided moments you will demean yourself in front of people who you know resent you to cover up for what you believe to be shortcomings. Envy, anger, and resentment are also tools of growth. You don't need to make up for what other people experience. Let's finish this typed interaction up so you can still sleep a little bit, I know you want to.

The Wandering Cartographer: Dear Neale Donald Walsch, I adore you. I disagree with the style in which you presented the situation in the Middle East. I feel that it was written in a shortsighted way I sit here in the USA to tell you that there are sometimes that I miss Israel. Us Westerners deem the Middle East to be a region that needs to be remedied because we aren't able to perceive the unity that Arabs, Druze, Israelis and any other ethnicities I can't think of at the moment are at any given time. They always speak their truth. That is why to us, with all our judgments, they appear to be fighting. They value water, so far beyond our recognition that we insist that they need to shower and mask their Divine humanity with products like deodorant. They are so comfortable with their human form that we tell them they need to uncover their hair or cover it, put clothes on or take them off. We tell them to draw dotted lines on soil, holding hands on the White House lawn lest we see the beauty in the fact that so many human beings could desire a landmass superficially devoid of natural resources. The Middle East is raw life in action, God in It's purest, fastest manifestation on Earth. That is why every religion gathers there to roar. But that is purely my projection. As is fighting, and I was reminded of that in the Middle East. May we always continue to improve perfection together. Sincerely, The Wandering Cartographer

God: Yes?

The Wandering Cartographer: Now that I wrote that, I don't even know if I agree with it.

God: That's the beauty of speaking your truth. Once you say it, it doesn't feel real anymore, because nothing is what you think it is.

The Wandering Cartographer: I am done thinking for now. Hasta luego.

The Complete Conversations with God

Defending Your Life (Ws Sub)

Nudge

2010-06-15T21:06:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: Oh, God, I love sitting down and typing.

God: It's a fun way to converse. Indeed. I see you've switched to the HTML box. How's that working out for you?

The Wandering Cartographer: Pure, simplistic bliss fused with a deluge of English letters full of infinite possibilities.

God: You're starting to sound like yourself again. Enjoy.

The Wandering Cartographer: It would be cool if there was some phrase that you could say to someone before they started typing, you know, like the "bon appetite" of writing, I dunno, something like, "happy wording" or "have a loving expression session"?

God: L'chaim. (To life)

The Wandering Cartographer: That works! Actually, I really like that. Jews are definitely fun sometimes.

God: Of course they are. Everyone I created is perfectly beautiful. Your mind is what ruins it for you and in the "ruining" which is actually temporary discomfort is woven a perfection beyond your wildest dreams.

The Wandering Cartographer: Wow. Do you notice how calm my son is?

God: Do you notice how calm you are. You're having fun again, and this time you're not ashamed to.

The Wandering Cartographer: Some people would call me a blasphemer.

God: I've been called that. I've been called all sorts of names. When you recognize that you're in control and not able to be harmed stuff becomes fun again. Go say hi to your husband, we'll continue this later...

6 hours later:

The Wandering Cartographer: I'm back.

God: You're funny.

The Wandering Cartographer: That you don't know many people who run out of the bathroom to talk to God in the nude?

God: You still want to differentiate between location, attire and my presence in all places? Be my guest.

The Wandering Cartographer: I thought that I have free choice.

God: You do.

The Wandering Cartographer: So why did you tell me, "Go say hi to your husband, we'll continue this later..."?

God: Because I knew you wanted to, you even felt guilty about taking a break from spending time with me. I felt that you still weren't ready to fully assimilate into the fact that spending time with your husband is spending time with me.

The Wandering Cartographer: So you told me what to do?

God: I encouraged you. Squire Rushnell calls it "winking", I know you suggested the word "nudge", others may call it "bitch slap". It's all perspective. Laugh about it. You're sitting totally naked in front of the computer at 12:02 AM when you planned on showering hours ago. I urge you to shower.

The Wandering Cartographer: ;o)

When GOD Winks: How the Power of Coincidence Guides Your Life

Chat: June 15th

2010-06-15T11:19:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: God, I want to talk to you but I am too tired. I miss you God. I feel like chatting but I currently feel defeated, by what I don't know. I want to sleep, or lay on the couch aimlessly, or read. I miss my husband. I wish he was home because I love him.

God: I am sleep, I am that couch, aimless or not, that book you're reading - I wrote it for you, your husband is a cute version of me. I am always around.

I Like To Write

2010-06-14T10:37:00.000-07:00

This is dedicated to everyone who has pissed me off including the formatting capabilities blogger.com has to offer its users, you drive me nuts because I don't get you. I relinquish control in the name of God and Love. Note to self, one day it might be nice to "google" the term HTML.

The Wandering Cartographer: God?

God: Can I make fun of you for a second?

The Wandering Cartographer: Okay. Fine.

God: You said to me while you were feeding your son that people only come to you when they want something.

The Wandering Cartographer: I did say that.

God: What did you do today dudette?

The Wandering Cartographer: Dudette! I love the word dudette.

God: I know, that's why I said it.

The Wandering Cartographer: Well I was still so exhausted from Sunday that after my son had his first meal at 6:30 AM, I went back to sleep after telling my husband that I loved him as he was leaving for work. I slept a coma like sleep till about 10:00. I got out of bed quietly, cause my son was still sleeping. I proceeded to do the dishes in the sink and then wash six bottles and two pacifiers that were dirty from the day before. Then my son woke up. We did some tummy time. We changed his diaper, talked to my mother, chatted amongst ourselves. Then he had his second meal of the day. In the middle of his bottle, we called a friend in Israel to see how she was doing. She wasn't in so we left a message. Then we called another dear friend in Israel and we talked for a bit. Then we called my grandmother to say hello. I still hadn't eaten, I was fainting. While I warmed up food, I called my father. We chatted, me, my dad and my son. It was fun. I don't even remember what we talked about. Then I ate. I had cheese on a tortilla. Then I had chicken and sweet potato. I like to drink water and coffee by the way. I allow myself a cup or two of coffee a day. Then when I finished, I gave my son his daily bath. That takes time because I rinse out his little tub, his toys, the bathtub water thermometer and his washcloth, otherwise if I don't do that, bacteria start to build up in there. Bathrooms are prone to massive bacterial/other microscopic creature residue because of the temperature coupled with the moisture there. We sang in the tub. We sang some Hebrew songs about the upcoming new year and how good it is going to be. Shit, I just realized I forgot to brush his hair. I dressed him. Then I saw he was tired so I lay him down to sleep. Then I ran to spill out the water in his little blue tub, rinse out the toys and put away everything that got scattered around the house during bath time. He fell asleep really fast. Then I sat down to write. Then my husband called. I told him I loved him and I wanted to write. Then...

God: Then, then, then, then...

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes, verbosity.

God: Do you know why verbosity, verbiage, wordiness whatever you want to call it bothers you?

The Wandering Cartographer: Wow, it's like you read my mind.

God: I'm like that.

The Wandering Cartographer: Nu...

God: It's because half of the facts of your day came along with a justification. So you slept till around 10:00. Fine. You feel the need to include, "I felt so exhausted from Sunday" because you have a judgment about sleeping. We sleep when we are tired end of story.

The Wandering Cartographer: I want everyone who reads what I write to know that I was tired because on Sunday I went to a play, vacuumed, did the laundry, cooked, took care of my son, read, bathed our dog, took care of him and went through my email inbox.

God: Did you do it for the sake of doing or because you love doing that stuff?

The Wandering Cartographer: I did it because I love doing stuff. But I know that people talk about me as spacey, I know they judge me for not working when my husband does. People won't stop asking me, "so when are you going to do those college classes you talked about?"

God: Tell them you're not interested, that you're comfortable with what you do.

The Wandering Cartographer: They judge me for "staying home", not getting out of the house, they think I basically sponge off of my husband's work and that I don't contribute enough.

God: In my world, I do what I want when I want. Why do you suppose the bible is kind of brief?

The Wandering Cartographer: The bible is brief? I spent thirteen plus years learning the bible.

God: You spent thirteen plus years learning other people's commentary on the bible. You resent my bible cause you resent massive doses of opinion. But when you spoke your opinion in the past....

The Wandering Cartographer: All the rest is commentary.

God: Viola. You get my drift.

The Wandering Cartographer: Which is really mine, I projected it onto you.

God: I am fine with that. I've been allowing that to occur since the dawn of humanity, because I have fun with it, because I love you people.

The Wandering Cartographer: How do I deal with people who think I do nothing?

God: How are you dealing with yourself?

The Wandering Cartographer: I like to think I evolve more every day.

God: Those other people are too. Have some faith in them. Have some faith in yourself.

The Wandering Cartographer: Wait a minute, I just came to you because I wanted something. God, I used you as an excuse to be myself.

God: That's fine.

The Wandering Cartographer: It's fine that I used you? I didn't give you anything in return?

God: Life is not a business. Although when I watch television with you, I see society try to make it one all the time. That is fine. Everything is going perfectly.

The Wandering Cartographer: So then people can do whatever they want, that's fine?

God: You're doing just that. It's the most productive you've been in years.

The Wandering Cartographer: People will use that as an excuse to go haywire.

God: Laugh. Out. Loud. I was always entertained by the word, "haywire".

The Wandering Cartographer: Me too. I'm about to pull a Neale Donald Walsch.

God: You don't suppose he'd be pleased that his message his getting out to the world? How original is the idea that peace is pleasant?

The Wandering Cartographer: I guess.

God: If it makes you more comfortable, let's give full credit to Neale Donald Walsch for the end of this conversation.

The Wandering Cartographer: It does.

God: If someone uses their freedom as an excuse to do something that you deem to be "wrong" and hence opens up an opportunity for you to do what you deem "right" in return, then they have given you an opportunity to do what Jews call a "mitzvah" which refers to a good deed but technically in Hebrew comes from the word "commandment". I'd challenge someone to point out the unholiness in endless opportunities to do "mitzvahs" as Americans say or "mitzvot" as Israelis would say in proper Hebrew.

The Wandering Cartographer: Interesting

God: Very interesting. I give you only my best, because I love you.

The Wandering Cartographer: I am feeling it. Until later...I would like to go enjoy taking care of my son now.

The Complete Conversations with God

Chat: June 13th

2010-06-13T20:24:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: God, this book that I just started reading is so onerous, it reminds me of me. Reading it is a chore. I have new insight into the minds of everyone who got annoyed at me in the past for being so verbose. I am so ashamed of myself. Whenever I think about my past, I want to whither into a hole and never come out.

God: Do you think that constantly attacking yourself makes you holy?

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes. If the people who detest me know I detest myself then they'll love me.

God: If you thought they hated you it was because you hated yourself, and not the other way around.

The Wandering Cartographer: Someone once told me that I was arrogant and that I used language to show off. So now, even if I feel that I have something valuable to say, I have an intense need to say it in a sentence or two lest someone assume that I am an arrogant ass.

God: Use as many words as you want. Whether or not someone accepts your message is based on whether you sent it to them with loving acceptance of yourself. All the blog entries that you wrote that no one got is because you were ashamed to be yourself when you wrote them.

The Wandering Cartographer: Sometimes I use this blog as an excuse to prove myself worthy to people. Like, hey look at me, I'm just as good as you in the workforce, when my son is sleeping I write this blog. Do you love me now?

God: Do you love yourself now?

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes and no.

God: Well then the success of your blog will be yes and no.

The Wandering Cartographer: Blah. So what am I going to do about this extremely wordy book? Words make me incredibly nervous these days. I don't talk as much as I used to lest someone judge me.

God: They may. The truth is a bitch, at first. One beautiful friend of yours was the most recent messenger who reminded you of that. When she pointed out that you were egotistical, you ceased communication with just about everyone for months. May I remind you that all she said was that you have an ego. You were the one who deemed an ego to be a negative thing and recoiled in fear that she wouldn't love your ego when at the crux of it all you were the one who hated your ego. Your reality is what I occasionally call the "Hall of Mirrors" known in the world of biology as a "nervous system".

The Wandering Cartographer: Nervous System. No pun intended.

God: Did we just have a witty exchange?

The Wandering Cartographer: You tell me.

God: Ha.

The Wandering Cartographer: I love my friend who aided me.

God: I do too.

The Wandering Cartographer: Thank you for her. She has helped me heal myself a lot.

God: You're welcome.

The Wandering Cartographer: I feel like my life is richer for being honest.

God: You love people.

The Wandering Cartographer: Generally. Although these days I am realizing that my rage at people stems from a loving let down...

God: Let downs stem from unmet expectation. I've told you that a billion ways.

The Wandering Cartographer: Bring on the variety. About the book, it seems really interesting. Maybe I used it as an excuse to chat with you and toot my own horn.

God: Do you still need an excuse to talk to me?

The Wandering Cartographer: My ego does. God, my ego.

God: What about it bothers you so much? Your friend told you the other day that ego is simply the life force. Your mind is what makes it the demon you believe it to be. I gave you an ego as a gift.

The Wandering Cartographer: What's Heaven's return policy?

God: How would you like me to respond to that?

The Wandering Cartographer: I don't know, I am tired. I do that to myself. I want my parents to be proud of me.

God: They are proud of you. You just don't agree on what one should be proud of.

The Wandering Cartographer: Good night.

Having Fun With Life

2010-06-13T13:01:00.000-07:00

To my parents,
Why didn't you read my mind all these years?
You jerks.
I love you,
Forever.
Signed,
Daughter Wandering Cartographer

No Title

2010-06-12T08:49:00.000-07:00

Dear Wandering Cartographer,
Why are you always ready to forgive everyone else but yourself?
Get back to me when you choose to.
Love,
The Wandering Cartographer

Happy

2010-06-12T07:13:00.000-07:00

Last night, for the first time in years, I put on perfume. I love the scent. I feel special when I wear it.

Happy By Clinique For Women. Parfum Spray 3.4 Oz.

Seriously

2010-06-12T06:55:00.000-07:00

When I talk, think, read and write a lot everything starts to seem meaningless. Boobs.

;P

♥

On The Elevation Of Dust

2010-06-11T06:13:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: You're going to think I am insane.

God: Why?

The Wandering Cartographer: Because I said I was going to clean the bathroom.

God: You will. When you choose to. Right now, you want to write.

The Wandering Cartographer: I feel like I should have said that.

God: Then say it.

The Wandering Cartographer: I want to write, but I should be cleaning the bathroom. I even invoked your energy towards a loving cleanliness.

God: You'll have your loving cleanliness when you choose to. It's okay to have a loving writingness before your loving cleanliness.

The Wandering Cartographer: I keep thinking I am arrogant for talking to you. In the religious schools I attended they said that we should say about ourselves that You, God, created the world for us but on the other hand we were the dust of the Earth.

God: Yes. I couldn't have chosen a better, flakier substance to sustain the whole planet on if I wanted to. Dust is what holds the world together! Isn't that beautiful?

The Wandering Cartographer: I felt it was an ugly thing that they told us.

God: Maybe you would like to read more about soil then. It's a wonderful, wonderful thing. I made it for you.

The Wandering Cartographer: And yourself.

;o)

A Meditation Before Cleaning

2010-06-11T05:50:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: I think I should just delete this entire blog.

God: Delete this blog?

The Wandering Cartographer: You know, make things pretty.

God: Pretty?

The Wandering Cartographer: I noticed that certain blog entries that I wrote have a certain energetic rhythm that people respond positively to. Other ones, I don't know. Maybe their ugly and that's why people don't like them.

God: Do you like them?

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes.

God: Then why delete?

The Wandering Cartographer: I like positivity.

God: What's not positive?

The Wandering Cartographer: I don't know, is everything angry?

God: You tell me. This is like that conversation you had with that little girl at the engagement party you were at a few weeks ago. She asked you if she should laugh at the joke that the older girls were laughing at and you told her that she should only laugh if she thought it was funny. Then she told you she thought it was funny and laughed on her own. Then you laughed.

The Wandering Cartographer: This is true.

God: Do you like what you have written here?

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes. I guess I'll keep it. But it's negative.

God: That's your opinion. Maybe someone else reading this will find it positive. Batteries have "positive" ends and "negative" ends and you still insert the entire thing into a cordless radio to empower it.

The Wandering Cartographer: Isn't our new little radio for the kitchen so cute?

God: Yes. But that's just my opinion. Maybe another aspect of me likes different radios.

The Wandering Cartographer: Oh infinity. I heard my current favorite song on that cute little radio.

God: "Fireflies" by Owl City. I wrote it for you.

The Wandering Cartographer: I think "Owl City" wrote it for their own purposes.

God: They did and they wrote it for you. In me. You are all in me. So they wrote it for you.

The Wandering Cartographer: I feel like I fake.

God: Why?

The Wandering Cartographer: Because Neale Donald Walsch talks to you in a similar fashion. Maybe I read his book too many times and now what I think is me is really him.

God: You are him. He is you. You are both part of me. As I said, through him, to you, "we are all one". Neale Donald Walsch and you are both my perspectives. Together we make for brilliance.

The Wandering Cartographer: Do you think he would like me?

God: That depends.

The Wandering Cartographer: On?

God: Do you like you?

The Wandering Cartographer: Sometimes.

God: Then he'll like you sometimes.

The Wandering Cartographer: Sometimes he quotes other people in his writing.

God: Okay.

The Wandering Cartographer: I felt the need to rationalize.

God: Yes. It's okay.

The Wandering Cartographer: Will you keep me company?

God: What do you want to do now?

The Wandering Cartographer: Have fun cleaning the bathroom.

God: You know you have fun cleaning the bathroom. I am proud of you. I know that you're obsessed with Ajax. I invented it for you.

The Wandering Cartographer: I feel like I should say some blessing on the Ajax.

God: Okay. What blessing?

The Wandering Cartographer: Thank you God, for Ajax. I enjoy watching the chemical process that makes toothpaste scum dissolve before my eyes. It's fascinating and I appreciate it.

God: You're welcome. Me too. We can have fun in the bathroom together, if you want.

Fireflies

Ajax Powder Cleanser with Bleach, 14 oz (396 g)

Scotch-Brite 3M Heavy Duty Scrub Sponges - 18-Count

The Complete Conversations with God

Sony ICF-S10MK2 Pocket AM/FM Radio, Silver

Maddening Love

2010-06-10T21:20:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: God, I'd like you to know that I think unconditional love is maddening.

God: That's why you're talking to me and not with me. I am a part of you. You refuse to acknowledge that and that is why you currently think you're insane. Insane is a legal term. In my world, there are no legal terms. There is just love.

The Wandering Cartographer: I want to understand.

God: That is why you don't understand. Until you chose to, I will continue to hear you say that you think you plagiarize, that you have no right to exist, that you're not worthy, that you're a blasphemer, that you need people and everything else that you ran through your mind today. I love you. I love everyone. You're already in me. What are you doing to yourself? Choose again.

TSPBP

2010-06-10T19:13:00.000-07:00

TSPBP are initials for "The Spontaneous Peanut Butter Party". "The Spontaneous Peanut Butter Party" is one of my beloved dogs' nicknames. Other times he is known as "Cinnamon Boots", "Maurice", "Shimmie", "Himee", and/or "Sweetie Burrittee". I love him so much. I have fun coming up with new names for him. Each name describes an aspect of his preciousness. Woof.

Skippy Peanut Butter, Super Chunk, 16.3-Ounce Jars (Pack of 6)

Waiting For UPS

2010-06-10T13:05:00.000-07:00

The Wandering Cartographer: I feel the need to delete the link I shared on my Facebook profile.

The Wandering Cartographer: The link to your previous blog entry?

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes.

The Wandering Cartographer: Why?

The Wandering Cartographer: Because someone left an angry comment on it. I didn't want to stir up angry comments.

The Wandering Cartographer: Maybe it looks angry because you're angry.

The Wandering Cartographer: I might be. I don't even know anymore. I'm scared.

The Wandering Cartographer: Scared?

The Wandering Cartographer: Because if that lady thinks I don't agree with her then she won't love me anymore.

The Wandering Cartographer: Why are you so convinced she wouldn't love you anymore?

The Wandering Cartographer: Because when two people disagree it means they don't love each other.

The Wandering Cartographer: Who told you that?

The Wandering Cartographer: Traumatized Baby Wandering Cartographer.

The Wandering Cartographer: Please remind Traumatized Baby Wandering Cartographer that Universal Wandering Cartographer always loves her.

The Wandering Cartographer: I would, but Traumatized Baby Wandering Cartographer isn't soothed by logic.

The Wandering Cartographer: Does that tell you something? Furthermore, who said anything about logic?

The Wandering Cartographer: Oh Freud. Oh God. What's the difference between Freud and God? I don't even know. I'm scared to be me. Who am I?

The Wandering Cartographer: That's up to you.

The Wandering Cartographer: I'm still embarrassed to be myself. I feel like crawling up into a ball on my bed until I have confidence.

The Wandering Cartographer: Another name for that really comfortable bed with your favorite elephant sheets on it is God.

The Wandering Cartographer: Then who is Universal Wandering Cartographer?

The Wandering Cartographer: You tell me.

The Wandering Cartographer: I have recently discovered that I love elephants.

The Wandering Cartographer: I know that. Why do you think you've suddenly attracted so much elephant paraphernalia into your life?

The Wandering Cartographer: You tell me.

The Wandering Cartographer: Ha.

The Wandering Cartographer: Do you think my little boy likes elephants?

The Wandering Cartographer: He'll tell you.

The Wandering Cartographer: Ha.

The Wandering Cartographer: When is the package that my husband ordered going to be delivered by UPS?

The Wandering Cartographer: You tell me.

The Wandering Cartographer: I don't know, but in the meantime, thank you, I feel safer now.

The Wandering Cartographer: Thank yourself, you spoke your Truth. Speak your Truth and you are always safe.

Middle Eastern Values

2010-06-10T09:51:00.000-07:00

The following is dedicated to my friend Abdallah Z. I met him in the USA. He lived in Egypt at the same time that I lived in Israel.

Dear Wandering Cartographer,

The superficial shortages in the Middle East never taught you the value of anything. It was a reminder that you inherently deserved its value.

Sincerely,

The Universal Wandering Cartographer

Sock Love

2010-06-10T07:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Wandering Cartographer,

Even if your socks get so dirty that the washing machine isn't getting them clean enough, you still deserve a fresh pair every morning. Isn't it fun to put on clean socks? I know you've always loved terry cloth. I am here to tell you that terry cloth loves you.

Sincerely,

The Universal Wandering Cartographer

p.s. I've included advertisements of your favorite kind of socks and laundry detergent. I know you adore the scent of it and how you felt that the decoration on the bottle was simple, pretty and refreshing.

Women's Hanes Cushion Ankle White/Pink 6 Pack Socks - (5-9)

Green Works Natural Laundry Detergent, Orignial Scent, 30 Loads 45 oz (1.33 l)

Birth Envy

2010-06-09T20:43:00.000-07:00

Dedicated To Basia, my Mother and Shiva, who reminded me today what it is to be a woman. I love you.

The Wandering Cartographer: Two of my friends gave birth this week. I am so happy for them. I am also kind of envious.

The Wandering Cartographer: Envious of what?

The Wandering Cartographer: Giving birth is such a wonderful, spiritual experience. It totally changes your perspective of pain.

The Wandering Cartographer: Ahem.

The Wandering Cartographer: Yes?

The Wandering Cartographer: You repeatedly told yourself all day today that you were in, and I quote, "atrocious pain". Then you cursed yourself for suffering. Could it be that those were what the medical community calls "contractions"?

The Wandering Cartographer: Contractions?

The Wandering Cartographer: I'd call them the "Oh, thank God, every day The Wandering Cartographer gives birth to her self spiritually" contractions.

The Wandering Cartographer: I didn't think of that.

The Wandering Cartographer: Because this isn't about thinking.

The Wandering Cartographer: I remember. Thank you.

The Wandering Cartographer: and what Basia wrote to you on Facebook today, "breathe, up and down, just breathe....you love the Universe, it loves you back..."

The Wandering Cartographer: Ahhhhh....

To My Son

2010-06-09T10:32:00.000-07:00

You are a delicious observer. I love you. Thank you for letting me take care of you.

Illusions of Black and White

2010-06-09T06:19:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I forget that the people who experienced Auschwitz saw everything in color.

Acknowledging The Empty Space

2010-06-08T12:10:00.000-07:00

The following is dedicated to my beloved author, Neale Donald Walsch, who invited me to get over myself. I would highly recommend his book, "Conversations With God", to anyone.

The Wandering Cartographer: Am I profound yet?

The Wandering Cartographer: I think that question answers itself.

The Wandering Cartographer: Fine. Then how much longer till I am jaded?

The Wandering Cartographer: Jaded?

The Wandering Cartographer: You know, till I become the mature, adult, responsible type. Till I tire of life and experiencing new things.

The Wandering Cartographer: I can see you're in a bad mood. Is this all about your identity crisis in the library?

The Wandering Cartographer: Life was easier when I lived in Israel. There were less English books available and I didn't really have to think about which books I wanted to read because there were barely any choices.

The Wandering Cartographer: Why do choices have to be about thought? You attracted those books to yourself. Choices are about feelings and hence smooth sailing.

The Wandering Cartographer: I can't stick to a topic.

The Wandering Cartographer: Okay.

The Wandering Cartographer: I am exasperated about the fact that I bought wine for guests who still haven't confirmed whether or not they're even coming to our house. I am annoyed that I shlepped myself to the store, hauled a stroller, shelled out money and dragged everything up three flights of stairs.

The Wandering Cartographer: That's precisely why they haven't gotten back to you yet. May I remind you that you're excited to get together with them. You told me yourself what nice, kind people they are. When you stop living your life out of obligation is when everything becomes simple. You love simplicity. You write about it fairly often. I'd say it's your passion.

The Wandering Cartographer: I have breakdowns every time my son is sleeping. I have a breakdown if there is nothing to cook. I have a breakdown if there is nothing to clean. I have a breakdown if there is no one else having a breakdown, because that means there is no one to tend to. I have a breakdown if the dog we adopted is sleeping, because then I can't take care of him.

The Wandering Cartographer: The adoption of your dog was a mutual action. You adopted each other. You guide each other. This is an agreement you two made last lifetime to evolve together in the future. I wouldn't worry about him. The same goes for your son and everyone else you think would be lost without you.

The Wandering Cartographer: I am so lost.

The Wandering Cartographer: It's all going perfectly then.

The Wandering Cartographer: I feel like I don't have a right to exist. I feel like unless I do something physical for someone then I should disappear. I feel like I have to earn approval, friendship and love from people. We were invited to people's houses since we moved to this new city and I always feel the need to go out and buy expensive wine to thank them for acknowledging my presence.

The Wandering Cartographer: It might be nice to acknowledge your own presence.

The Wandering Cartographer: That's scary.

The Wandering Cartographer: You said in your last blog entry that scary is interesting. I believe you used the word "fear".

The Wandering Cartographer: I did.

The Wandering Cartographer: There you go.

The Wandering Cartographer: I have nothing to offer the world but myself. When is that going to be good enough?

The Wandering Cartographer: When you decide.

The Wandering Cartographer: Okay. I think I am hungry.

The Wandering Cartographer: If you have to wonder if you're hungry, you're not hungry. It might be interesting to allow yourself to feel even more.

The Wandering Cartographer: I'll wait then.

The Wandering Cartographer: Feel.

The Wandering Cartographer: I want to be one of those profound spiritual teachers who sits under trees all day contemplating nothing.

The Wandering Cartographer: The entire world is God's forest. Anywhere you are makes you one of those profound spiritual entities contemplating nothing. There is nothing here. Have you ever enjoyed nothing? It might suit you to try enjoying nothing. It's a whirl of an experience. I'm having fun with it.

The Wandering Cartographer: Hmmm...I can't figure out a profound way to end this blog entry.

The Wandering Cartographer: Maybe there is no profound way to end this blog entry. This quandary is all your own doing.

This was where The Wandering Cartographer chose to end the dialogue.

The Complete Conversations with God

To The Ambassador Of The US of A

2010-06-07T15:08:00.000-07:00

Dear President Obama,

I would describe my experience with the metric system as, "a refreshing ride on the wave of mathematical simplicity".

signed, with 180 ccs of pure sincerity,

The Wandering Cartographer

Awareness

2010-06-07T14:54:00.000-07:00

My feet have been hurting me for a couple of weeks. I thought it was an effect from my house slippers. I had a breakdown about the discomfort. Then today I decided to be aware of my past patterns of thinking. I realized I have a phobia of walking around the apartment barefoot because:

walking around barefoot causes the skin on one's feet to be dry
walking around barefoot means the feet on your body aren't getting proper support
walking around in socks would make them dirty which would mean extra laundry, the socks would wear out faster, and I often don't approve of the cleaning job washing machines do

I see these are rationalizations based on fear. I enjoy observing and fear is fascinating.

Thank you, God, for my feet.

Thus Far...

2010-06-07T10:03:00.000-07:00

Today, June 7th, 2010, I, The Wandering Cartographer:

1-Woke up
2-Communicated with my husband
3-Tended To My Son
4-Thought
5-Resisted Stuff
6-Made Phone Calls
7-Ate
8-Watched television
9-Tended to my dog
10-Tended to myself
11-Wrote
12- Read some chapters in a book
13- Did the dishes, so far two times
14- Napped
15- Checked Emails and responded to some of them
16- Checked Facebook
17- Sort of skimmed the News online

Note to self- remember to pour alcohol on cotton balls and smoothly glide them over all the walls, furniture, counter tops and household objects in our apartment.

I love you.
I love me.
I love God.

Enjoy the rest of the day. Always.

An Invitation Just For You

2010-06-07T08:22:00.000-07:00

The following is dedicated to my friend Drew, who always "lives it up".

To my fellow brides and grooms,

I wish you my heartfelt congratulations on your marriage to God.

The time is always.

Reception to follow at whatever location your soul has currently chosen to be in.

Any attire is acceptable, as long as it suits your personal taste. I'll be wearing a yellow high school tee shirt with black pants and Adidas slides because they're the most comfortable for me to dance to my own beat in.

May we continue to celebrate the ceremony of life together forever,

The Wandering Cartographer

adidas Men's Calissage Slide,Black/White/Royal, 12 M

Hanes Classics Men's Classics 6-Pack Crew Neck T-Shirt Value Pack,6-Pack White,Large

Hanes Men's 6 pack cushion low cut sock, White, 6-12

At The Heart Of The Matter

2010-06-07T06:27:00.000-07:00

Laughter is a loving surrender.

Suffering and Tuna

2010-06-05T19:12:00.000-07:00

Dear Wandering Cartographer,

I understand that you're experiencing what is known intellectually as "suffering" right now. It's really just "pain" and I would suggest that you feel it, bless it and let it go. It's always your choice, however, to do with such a sensation what you wish.

I would like you to know that you're never going to be able to change other people. You may inspire them, but that's as far as it will ever go. I know that to you, that feels like a "miraculous tragedy" or were the adjectives you picked "tragically miraculous"? I don't know precisely which one you hissed to yourself, the water was running and I am sure you remember how enraged you felt about the fact that the oil from two cans of tuna got all over the sink. You did a good job cleaning, if I may say so myself. But that's just me, another Wandering Cartographer sharing my perspective. It all comes down to perspective. Then, it floats out the bottom end dissipating into infinity.

See you in the Divine Mind, if and when we both agreed to do so at some point in or on the space time continuum.

Love,

The Wandering Cartographer

Our Role

2010-06-04T13:04:00.000-07:00

*The following conclusion I wish to share is dedicated to my friend whose initials are B.L. She is amazing and inspired me today over the phone.

There is no need to improve God's handiwork. We simply have the option to creatively and lovingly maintain that/those with which/whom He has temporarily entrusted us.

Have a beautiful Sabbath, World...

Fun With Verbosity

2010-06-02T20:32:00.000-07:00

How hilarious would it be if you wanted someone's phone number and instead of asking for it in everyday English, you went up to him / her and put in a request for a copy of his / her personal "numerical sequence"?

:P

I like making myself laugh.

An Official Notice (Insert Legal Terminology Here:___________)

2010-06-02T19:00:00.000-07:00

In this lifetime, my soul has chosen to be a Jew, who is an American citizen and an Israeli citizen. I tell people I am Bi (national). :o) With all due seriousness though, I want everyone to know, and everyone includes an emphasis on me, The Wandering Cartographer, that I am proud to be who I am. I stand by my choice because I chose it with love. I know I chose it with love, because that is what everything is composed of, and therefore it has to be that way. I love everyone, of every religion, nationality, body type, sexual orientation, and/or any other label we may think separates us from each other. In Loving Truth, we are all twinkling stars in the constellation known as God. We are all God's chosen.

I verify that everything written above is true, so help me God:
signed, with all legal jargon included,
The Wandering Cartographer

Canine Poetry

2010-06-02T13:45:00.000-07:00

My dogs are each their own form of poetry. God, I love my dogs. Thank you for lending them to me.

Origins

2010-06-02T13:30:00.000-07:00

The following is dedicated to my parents, because I love them.

My Soul emanates from a Place that is lush with bold, green Plants. The thick Vegetation bares beautiful, holy, hot pink, sweet yet zesty Fruits. The Fruits begin life in an exquisite Flower that is three colors, orange, white and yellow. If they chose to, the Fruits are capable of simply and neatly decomposing into these enchanted Flowers once again. It's an eternal Process that radiates gently with the scent of Eucalyptus, Lavender and Mint. The Seasons shift effortlessly in majestic eight - part Cycles, each with their own flavor of Precipitation which is composed primarily of Loving Kindness with hints of Hydrogen and Oxygen. The Clouds, which play in front of the glorious blue Skies are a shade of warm mauve mixed with pure Mercy. Every Morning the Sun's Love twinkles in a giggling reflection of Divinity. See you there...

My Healing

2010-06-01T18:59:00.000-07:00

Duality can be perceived of as "double unity".

Questions

2010-05-31T08:08:00.000-07:00

I wrote a comment on my friends' blog today which read:

"I enjoy asking very basic questions."

There's a grounding quality that comes along with asking a question that is superficially simple. It helps me feel stable and connected.

How are you today?

;o)

♥

My Blessing For You

2010-05-29T09:19:00.000-07:00

May every day of your life be a story that you will delight in sharing with your beloveds around God's dinner table.

Love,

The Wandering Cartographer

Sorry, That Was Actually Me

2010-05-28T19:29:00.000-07:00

*I decided to share the following incident as my way of expressing gratitude to my awesome hubby, who has inspired me many a time to get over myself. I love him very much.

For me, when I feel disconnected from God, I feel inner fear which is demonstrated in my daily behavior as arrogance. When I describe it as arrogance I mean major arrogance. I am sure many a kind soul would testify to that fact.

This evening I subconsciously experienced a disconnect. I feel like it may have happened while I was cooking because I now realize I prepared a mega meal (potatoes, sweet potatoes, salad, rice, bread and two kinds of chicken) to make my husband smile and to prove some point about how I know how to handle a kitchen. You know, I could stand to reread one of my own blog entries entitled, "Vegetable Love Served In A Salad Of Verbiage". If you recall what I had written in that entry, one can see that this afternoon I was superficially hypocritical. As I meditate more on that however, a quote from my favorite author, Neale Donald Walsch comes to mind which says, "you teach what you have to learn". This definitely applies to me and hence I feel comfortable with my choice to get on with this story.

Anyway, the physical event that brought this all out was the fact that my hubby started eating the food I cooked while I was still wiping crud off the stove. Honestly, when I saw him do that, I became enraged. I mean control-freak out enraged. I acted like a complete jerk.

He apologized and said that he didn't mean to hurt my feelings, he was just used to eating on his own schedule. He reminded me that he eats breakfast alone early in the morning before going to work and then once he's at the company he eats lunch on his own schedule. I accepted what he said because it's all true. There was nothing I could argue with. But for the sake of indulging my frightened, ruffled ego I blurted out, "you're just living your life on automatic!"

It turns out, beautiful readers, the statement I growled at him is a glorified description of me. I think the proof of that is in the fact that when he left and I re-entered the room to go wash the dishes, for approximately the fifth time since we have moved to our current apartment I tried to flick on a light switch that doesn't exist in our new place. Instead of the room brightening up my hand scraped against the cold, roughly painted wall. A feeling, incidentally, which gives me the chills. I'm still turning on lights like I live in some other residence which I at one point in time called "home".

Talk about "automatic"! Sorry, that was actually me.

Pretty smooth, huh?

Now my one remaining question is: Would it be arrogant of me to assume that God was as entertained about watching this unfold as I was about typing it out?

Until next time,

;o)

A Fun Metaphor For Self Acceptance

2010-05-28T10:07:00.000-07:00

The other day I was chatting with a dear friend on the phone about a variety of topics. I confessed to her that these days I am less fazed by day to day experiences as I am finally willing to admit to the fact that I wear granny panties on occasion. I laughed. Humor feels good, kind of like wearing extra large underwear. In my opinion, a man / woman / being of consciousness who feels good on the inside is a sexy man / woman / being of consciousness on the outside. Bring on the love... and granny panties!

XOXOXOXOX

-me

Fruit of the Loom Women's Classic White 6-Pack Briefs, White, 7

Meditation Insight

2010-05-27T12:42:00.000-07:00

The following blog entry is dedicated to my friend Basia, because I love her.

Just now, as I was meditating, an Entity showed me that for the past 25 years of my life, I trapped myself in my own freedom. I can choose again any moment I wish. What a beautiful irony.

Vegetable Love Served In A Salad Of Verbiage

2010-05-27T09:05:00.000-07:00

The list of stuff you'll need:

1- several containers
2- a knife
3- a cutting board
4- a big salad bowl
5- a lot vegetables that make you happy (for me that would be 4 long, thin carrots, 3 medium sized cucumbers, 1 head of lettuce, and 5 plum tomatoes)
6- 1 fresh lemon
7- olive oil
8- salt
9- black pepper
10- your fabulous self

This is what you do with the list:

Wash all the vegetables thoroughly.

Dry them off.

Cut up all the lettuce leaves into whatever shape/size you personally find to be appealing. Put all the shreds into one container. Close the container. Place it into the refrigerator.

*If you have trouble closing the container, use the rubber band that often comes with the lettuce at the supermarket as an extra support by stretching it around the entire vessel. Then the lid won't spontaneously pop open.

Cut up all the tomatoes into one inch cubes. Swoosh them all into another container. Close the container. Put it into the refrigerator.

Peel the cucumbers. Dice them up into whatever shape your heart of hearts desires. Drop all the cucumber bits into a container. Close the container and enter it into the refrigerator. Say, "I love me!" three times out loud.

Peel the carrots. Thank God for making you the beautiful man / woman / Being of Consciousness that you are. Chop the carrots. Deposit all the little half moon bits of beta-carotene goodness into yet another container. Offer the container of orange yummies to your lovely, "always there to refresh your food supply" refrigerator.

Respect yourself.

Love yourself.

Recognize your inner Divinity.

Wait until you feel hungry.

Take a big salad bowl.

Pour a little from each container into the bowl.

Sprinkle a little salt and pepper on the vegetables.

Drizzle a bit of olive oil over the mixture so the nutrient rich plant pieces are bathed in glistening, greasy, Greek / Israeli / Italian / whichever nationality's deliciousness.

Cut the lemon in half and squeeze in its zesty citrus juice.

Mix everything up well.

Admire God for his amazing creations.

Admire yourself for using God's handiwork in a loving manner.

Eat.

Enjoy.

Take pride in eating nutritious foods with the knowledge that you can have fresh salad for at least three days while only having to physically chop with precision twice a week.

I love you.

I love salad.

Happy Eating!

Pyrex Storage 10-Piece Set, Clear with Blue Lids

Stroller Angel

2010-05-26T15:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my son showed me that there is a little angel who occasionally hangs out in the upper part of his stroller. I am very excited to meet him/her as well.

Baby Jogger City Mini Single Stroller - Orange/Grey

When I Write

2010-05-25T11:47:00.000-07:00

I simply aspire to type with Love.

Word Experiment

2010-05-25T10:35:00.000-07:00

I tried to see how many words I could come up with that were synonymous with the word "Amazing". "Amazing" has been on my mind a lot. Perhaps more accurately, "Amazing" has been in my heart a lot.

This was my list:

Awesome
Fabulous
Fantastic
Glorious
Incredible
Lovely
Mind Blowing
Spectacular
Splendid
Stupendous
Super
Superb
Wonderful
Wondrous

This was the list that my favorite word website, Thesaurus.com, gave me:

"Awesome
Fascinating
Incredible
Marvelous
Prodigious
Shocking
Stunning
Surprising
Unbelievable
Wonderful"

I had forgotten about the word "prodigious". I am going to look that one up later.

I like to have fun with words even though there are so many in the English language that it can be overwhelming. Then again, overwhelming can also be Amazing.

Happy Wording!

Webster's All-in-One Dictionary & Thesaurus

Always Remember

2010-05-24T08:36:00.001-07:00

...that you're beautiful. Always.

For Happy Tushies:

2010-05-24T08:34:00.000-07:00

I would highly recommend using Almond Oil as an emollient once or twice a day at diaper changes. In general, almonds have much wonderfulness to offer the world. Now, what I would like to understand is the difference between Huggies' "Little Movers" versus "Little Snugglers". Perhaps someone can let me in on that secret.

Sincerely,

The Wandering Cartographer

In All Humility, I Wish To Share My Latest Conclusion:

2010-05-24T08:22:00.000-07:00

Anything mixed with an exercised sense of personal responsibility yields magnificence.

Everything is

2010-05-24T08:08:00.000-07:00

...what it is. The rest is up to us. Amazing.

Life On The Wild Side

2010-05-23T16:28:00.000-07:00

This evening I went to the laundry room wearing slippers instead of shoes. It was pretty risqué and ever so liberating.

Kindly insert smiley wink here: __________

Lots of love to you!

Greenworks Natural Laundry Detergent Liquid, Original, 45-Ounce Bottles (Pack of 6)

Sunny Side Up Divinity

2010-05-22T20:17:00.000-07:00

Five months ago I tried to uncover the meaning of life. I purchased a literary work that seemed full of promise in helping me achieve enlightenment. I decided to start reading it over breakfast. After cooking, I organized the food, cutlery and book in my hands. When I finally opened to the first chapter God said to me, "enjoy your eggs".

I put away the book.

By the way, the eggs were so tasty.

Thanks To The Ability To Advertise On My Blog

2010-05-22T11:46:00.000-07:00

...I have discovered that I enjoy being business oriented from time to time.

How Delicious Would It Be

2010-05-22T11:32:00.000-07:00

...if my kitchen was a place that everyone would eat in? It could cater to all dietary customs of each of the world's religions? I'd love to cook yummy stuff there.

Once In A Land Far From Where I Am Currently Located...

2010-05-21T19:50:00.000-07:00

The clerk at the bank where I was doing some paperwork asked me for my cell phone number. He needed to include it in my account information. I told him that I didn't know the digits because I seldom called myself on the phone. We both smiled. I have some good memories from that place.

Post-it® Notes, Original Cube, 1 7/8 inches x 1 7/8 inches, Assorted Neon and Ultra Colors, One Pad per Pack

You Know What Else Feels Great?

2010-05-21T12:46:00.000-07:00

Playing fetch with a neon green tennis ball with your dog in an empty room.

Unique Mesh Pack of 12 Tennis Balls

It Feels Great

2010-05-21T12:37:00.001-07:00

to be told by someone for whom you have great respect that, "you're in good shape".

I bet it also feels incredibly wonderful to know it directly from one's self. I am very excited for that experience.

I Sincerely Believe

2010-05-21T09:42:00.001-07:00

that people who have passed away are lighthearted and happy when it comes to nudity...